New Years Eve From Your Easy Chair, Music To Watch on Your TV
New Years Eve is often called “amateur night” as flocks of idiots in spandex and cone hats drink like pigs and cry cuz their life sucks. They then spend the next day under a snuggy in their moms basement wishing for greasy food to kill the pain.
To me it’s always been a lame ass holiday. You don’t get gifts, the next day you can’t write the date correctly, and I don’t drink. What’s worse than being the only sober person at a new year celebration? Nothing. Cuz basically all I would do is stare at you and make mental notes of what a moron you are and how I hope you feel like crap for a week. Oh and don’t go killing me with your car either.
So if you’re a hater like me.. heres some really bad television to watch instead. It’s as if they just assume everyone is going to be drunk and sprawled in their own vomit cuz who the hell would watch this crap without being under the influence?
NBC Carson Daley counts it down with Tony Bennett, Cee Lo Green, The Roots, Megan Hilty, Drake, and Jessie J. Wow.. lame.
ABC Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest. This is similar to visiting a family member in 'the home'. Its uncomfortable as hell since Mr. Clarks stroke and although I appreciate his hutzpah, its time to call it a day on this event. They have a lengthy list of guest stars this year, including guest host Fergie broadcasting from Los Angeles: Jenny McCarthy, blink-182, Florence + The Machine, The Band Perry, Gym Class Heroes, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, LMFAO, Nicki Minaj, OneRepublic, Pitbull, Taio Cruz, will.i.am, and Hot Chelle Rae. DID SOMEBODY SAY PITBULL!?!? ok this is the winner.
Fox “American Country New Year’s Live,” featuring Lauren Alaina, Rodney Atkins…this is like the Paula Dean hoe down of New Years Eve. Bring your Nascar jacket.
MTV Tyler Posey will be joined by Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, J Cole, Jason Derulo, Vanessa Marano, Katie LeClerc and Mac Miller. Proving once and for all that MTV sucks.
Whatever you do- again, dont get drunk and kill me or anyone else with a car or other moving vehicle. If youre at a gig- dont be an ass and cry or otherwise make a fool of yourself and end up on Youtube viral.
Simply said usher out 2011 peacefully and stay out of my way.
