Who is the worst band ever? That is always a fun conversation to have with your music nerd friends. My nominations all come from the late ‘70s/early ‘80s, when I was listening heavily to pop and classic rock radio. (This narrow timeframe means that Limp Bizkit doesn’t get the full consideration that they most assuredly deserve). Loverboy should float toward the top of any worst band ever lists. Besides their grating, pseudo-hard rock sound, Mike Reno always sang like a man who was suffering through the initial recovery of a botched hernia operation. Journey’s a top contender. If I’m Satan and I need to fill a lounge singer slot at my Eternal Pit of Hellfire Nightclub and Inprocessing Station, Steve Perry gets the nod without any hesitation. However, my vote for the worst band ever – on the witness stand, with a gun pointed at my head, in any imaginable context – is Styx.
The music of Styx always sounded to me like it was written by emotionally slutty junior high school theater students who had been taught that Andrew Lloyd Webber is the epitome of high art. It’s all pomp and bombast, bubblegum progressive rock with a primary message of solipsism. Everything is constructed to fundamentally state “look at me, I’m so special.” Their music is a junk heap of empty calories masquerading as populist think pieces. It is the epitome of sound and fury that signifies nothing.
So, onto the show. Dennis DeYoung performs onstage like a man whose best childhood friend was his bedroom mirror. He mugs endlessly, makes grand theatrical gestures, interjects jokes and asides while strolling across the stage. With his trim physique and poofy gray hair, he looks like a Q-Tip when he turns sideways. When he tries to dance, he resembles a robotic Tin Man trapped in a world without WD-40. His wife, Suzanne DeYoung, is working in the band as a backup singer. She may have not gotten the gig because of advanced musical talent. She would be well served to study Tracy Partridge tapes in an attempt to develop a rudimentary sense of rhythm.
This show was billed as “Dennis DeYoung and the Music of STYX,” so the audience didn’t have to worry about DeYoung throwing a curve ball and singing Hungarian opera pieces all evening. Speaking of the audience, I’ve seen old crowds before, but this looked like a group that needed to be shuttled into the “Filing for Disability Workshop” at an AARP convention. The hot accessory for Dennis DeYoung fans in 2015 is the foldable walking cane.
Musically, DeYoung has lost a bit of the high end of his voice, but still sounds similar to his glory years. Hired hand/lead guitarist August Zadra looks very much like Tommy Shaw in terms of his physical appearance and the all important rock star hair. Zadra took the lead vocals on the Tommy Shaw hits and Jimmy Leahey worked the James Young role without looking like a clone. The current version of Styx does a much better job of replicating the band’s recorded output than DeYoung’s group, which had a decidedly Vegas sound. Both the guitarists had extended solo turns throughout the night, displaying every cliché in the 1970’s I’m-a-shredding-hot-poop-guitar-hero arsenal. This is a show that someone could enjoy for pure camp for about half an hour, but that’s only 25% of the evening.
Still, it was a night of pure nostalgia and DeYoung knows his bread is buttered by the senior high class of 1980. He stuck with a generic greatest hits selection and he is no more embarrassing now than he’s ever been. (Interpret that last sentence any way you’d like). I’m sure that a true Styx fan would have enjoyed this concert. In reality, it was better than the recent Alice Cooper show I attended, but Cooper has a legitimate great past to compete against. DeYoung will forever be smugly satisfied atop his self-constructed mantle of pretentiousness.
Grade – D
Setlist:
Grand Illusion
Lorelei
Blue Collar Man
Desert Moon
Crystal Ball
Too Much Time on My Hands
Rockin’ the Paradise
Babe
Fooling Yourself
Suite Madame Blue
The Best of Times
Encore:
Renegade
Come Sail Away
How old are you? 20-25 age range? I can forgive you for not liking the 70s/80s bands because it’s not part of your culture. But if you already hated them, why would you go to review them? Why didn’t you tell your boss that you were already biased against them before he wasted his money paying for your review? Those of us who grew up in that time period love Styx. And Journey, and Loverboy, etc. That’s why they continue to tour and sell tickets and have a loyal following. Unlike the bands of today who are found – well, they’re not found. That’s why you don’t get a chance to review them. I think you need to find a different line of work because Steve Miller Band, Motley Crue, the Doobie Brothers, Def Leppard, etc etc are all coming to town and we’ll be at those concerts too.
“But if you already hated them, why would you go to review them?”
In the past, because it was the job. Now that it’s hardly a job for anyone, there’s still worth in the journalist telling it like it is for those who may be a little up in the air on whether they should go see Styx or someone else who’s in town the same night. In this case, that makes it a consumer service. Third, reading a blunt review is entertaining, like reading the sports reporter’s notes on the defeat of a pro or college football team that you really hate, too. Plus some people are entertained by reading snarky reports from the ozone. Or Schadenfreude. That’s joy at the embarrass of others. As far as criticism on the web goes, this is positively gentlemanly, anyway.
“Why didn’t you tell your boss that you were already biased against them before he wasted his money paying for your review?”
But he didn’t. In the past, no money was wasted at all. You got in free. Now, sometimes the reporter gets in free, sometimes he doesn’t and does it on his own dime. More often the latter.
“Unlike the bands of today who are found – well, they’re not found. That’s why you don’t get a chance to review them.”
This is a good point and certainly true. Lots of people agree and see it as a problem.
And how ironic that the worst band ever has not one, but TWO nationally touring shows. I can’t think of another band doing that currently.