Of all the great things about running a music blog, one of the worst is the huge amounts of bad music I have to listen to. Pre-rock nyc, I would take one look at singer songwriter Kari Jobe and, much as I would do in the real world, would run for the hills.
To claim she is irritating is to state the self-evident, to claim her high soprano has a built in twinge is there for your ears to hear, but to have to face these terrible, terrible songs of worship… it is scary. Horrible. Makes my skin crawl. I have a song on my February playlist and I can't hit next fast enough.
There is something so intensely creepy (not to mention lousy) aboutKari's songs of faith that come across like unrequited love songs. There is something, not sexual, but stalky in her.
She puts me in a truly terrible mood. I wanna to inflict pain on her. I can't listen to her Where I Found You without wanting to hurt people. She is the devil's spawn.
As it happens, I've been suffering through Tim McGraw's diabolic "Touchdown Jesus". "I dusted off my Bible today…" he begins and I begin getting a terrible headache. He is The Tebow of stupidity, This is an epic horrorshow of faith. Even our resident Christian Helen would blanche at this -though I think both of us would forgive him if his songs weren't so bad. By the way, if you thinkI'm hating on Christianity you don't read rock nyc. I am a huge (well, biggieish) Gospel fan.
Whereas Kari thinks JC is her personal dating service, Tim thinks JC is suiting up for the Superbowl. Not only is the metaphor an embarrassment, there is always the self-evident truth that every time something goes right, it isn't the hand of Christ. Here is a verse from "Touchdown Jesus".
"there was a little girl just down the street
they were praying for a miracle but running out of hope
some stranger was an angel and gave her what she needs
you ought to see her today, that was ten years ago
touchdown Jesus".
Not only does this sound AWFUL,it is complete and utter dribble.
1, It is blatantly untrue
2. His descriptive eye is non existent and
3. What if this girl got drunk and killed an entire family in a car crash? Where would that leave Jesus's touchdown???
I can't bear this kind of thinking. It is so lazy, it is such crap. You can't predict the future. You don't know what s good or bad in this world. It doesn't work that way. We don't know the results of our actions.
Divine intervention is stuff a fluffy brained bible thumping country bumpkin multi-millionaire has NO CLUE ABOUT.
But McGraw is so bad I can't stand it, my knee shakes and I have to walk around.
Incidentally, just to be crystal clear, one of my fave albums of the year is Craig Finn's new one. A deeply Christian album.
I was stuck in a crowded train a couple of years ago when a current at the time Smashing Pumpkins song came on my IPod. And I couldn't move to rid myself off the pestilence. I swear I thought I was gonna throw up. He just kept whining for 9 minutes. Sheer hell. because Hell is bad music. Every time you miss out on Tim McGraw, guess what? Touchdown Jesus.
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