So you don’t know how anybody can go on a psychotic killing spree? Really, are you sure about that? I dunno guys, somebody bumps me getting on the subway and I am inches away from going ninja on the mofo, absolutely I would be happy to mass murder a whole lotta people if they pissed me off. At least in theory. Indeed, co-editor Helen Bach has invented a new form of road rage, one where you don’t actually need the road to participate. Helen, similar to murder for hire would be consumer Morrissey, at least love animals but not me. I have blood on my hands and watch me lick it off slowly…
But I transgress, and what I want to do is share you this list of songs my Facebook friends added to a post asking for songs they’d play during a psychotic killing spree… Artist-Song Title – Facebook Friend is how it is organized, meanwhile leave me to sharpen my sabre…
1. I’m Coming Over – X – Helen Bach – Helen takes it all too literally and with a word of warning rages over to your place, this is like a lull between two attacks.
2. Shimmy Shimmy Ya – Ol’ Dirty Bastard – Iman Lababedi – My choice because I think serial killing is like a dance of death, only a lot bloodier, or rawer if you will and this song is borderline insane at the best of times.
3. Pycho Killer – Talking Heads – Herb Eimerman and Ken Davis – I am surprised there weren’t more people embracing (if that’s the word) Byrne’s unhinged response to people when they’re not polite.
4. A Little Bit Of Soap –Showaddywaddy- Shelly Mitchell – I am not sure I follow Shelly’s post-massacre post-mortem here, but, not unlike the sheets on your bed after sex, you wanna clean up after the crime.
5. Star Spangled Banner – Jimi Hendrix – Charles Roth – The great musician thinks that nothing expresses mass murder like the national anthem, and this is the best version of it you will ever here.
6. Niggaz 4 Life – N.W.A. – Tomas Doncker – Bringing the pain on the post Ice T last album, though I don’t think this is the vicious “Niggaz Collide” Doncker was alluding too, it sure is vicious enough.
7. Sexbomb – Tom Jones – Daniel Aranda – That’s one way to explode, the concept is a psychotic reaction to excess sex, right?
8. I’m Coming Home – Lionel Richie – Steve Crawford – This is easier to imagine, a sweet natured Crawford listening to Richie before putting on his wrestling tights and killing the staff of rock nyc one head snap after another.
9. Serial Thrilla – The Prodigy – Susan Sher – Now this is the real soundtrack to mass murder, like a response to “Slap My Bitch Up” with a carving knife. And Susan looks so sweet…
10. Kaifuku Suru Kizu – Salyu – David Miller – A little inside baseball here, David used this ambient song on the soundtrack to a murder scene in his first movie. Pleasant guy, right?
11. One – A Chorus Line Company – Merrill Aldighieri – I guess Merrill is imagining choreographing the scene, every high kick a flick of a penknife.
12. Get Juiced – OJ Simpson – David Brouillette –You think this is as bad as you think it is but it is actually much worse because the psychotic killer to beat em all OJ, raps!!
13. Fish Fry – Big Black – Marc Deming – Albini can’t do this any more but then again neither can I, “About a guy who beats a girl to death with his boot because she agreed to sex too easily” it says here.
14. Fly Me To The Moon – Frank Sinatra – Susan Hannaford – A debonair classy dame of a murderer needs a classy debonair song.
15. Allons Enfant – Archimede – Offside Tahiti – Ca plane pour moi
16. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer – Stephen Bennett – Jeff Beck – I promise you Beck, if you could hear this instrumental guitar version, you’d be right in there.
17. Mr. Kringle – Primus – Ed Basile – This is like the sound in the back of your head after you’ve slipped into your Kris Kringle costume and started chasing teenage girls around the otherwise deserted lake om Christmas Eve.
18. Yakety Sax – Boots Randolph – Andrew J. King – This is also the sound of a mad Santa Clause chasing half naked girls round a lake only speeded up to 78 rpms and if and when King chooses to go bonkers, I’d love to film him.
19. I Want You To Want Me – Cheap Trick – Edward Huerta – Only an uber-romantic like Mr. Huerta could mistake a blood bath for a thwarted love affair gone wrong.
20. Game Of Thrones – Peter Hollins, Lindsey Sterling – Ken Fitzer – Incidentally, Ken, her last album sunk without a trace, so I guess Lindsey lost the game
21. Mind Of A Lunatic – Geto Boys – Juvon R Vinters – A little obvious, sure, but it does make sense.
22. Walking On Sunshine – Katrina And the Waves – Phillip Poyner – I’d hire David Miller to direct the always jovial Poyner hacking up the world.
24. Ruby Tuesday – The Rolling Stones – Marc Cohen – Exquisite, I can just imagine Marc color coordinating his shoes and sword.
25. Memory – Original Cast Of Cats – Kathryn Mohn – Apparently, Kathryn doesn’t believe killing us is enough, she also wants to torture us.
26. If I Close My Eyes Forever – Zed Yago – Dave Glovin- German 80s metal band, and let’s be honest when you think of mass murder…
27. Bedroom Bully – Shabba Banks – Micah Wagstaff – OK, I give up Micah, what’s the connect? Location?
28. American Girl – Tom Petty – Noreen O’Hagan – No doubting this one at all, it is the start of “Silence Of The Lambs”.
29. My Way – Frank Sinatra – Larry Lachman – Whatever you wanna say about people on a killing spree they do it their way if their way is affiliated to John Wayne Gacy
30. Singing In The Rain – Gene Kelly – Phil Hollings – Ah yes, the best killing spree ever filmed, nice choice Phil.
31. Rainy Days And Mondays – The Carpenters – Patricia Golding – This one is tricky because yes, you can see a murder spree but more in a “I’m the Mommy and I say you eat all your soup even if it tastes nasty… now close your eyes little boy and let Mommy rock you to death, I mean, sleep..” way.
32. Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head (Instrumental) – Burt Bacharach – Eric Matthews – Early morning massacre time
33. The Mr. Softee Theme – Nuclear Assault – Samuel Clairborne –Every time the music stops, Samuel shoots a random child with his rifle on top of a building looking down at at the pink houses…
34. Helter Skelter – Motley Crue – Mary Von Westphal and Mark Rivers– And I can just imagine the wails from the victims, fine you wanna kill us okay, but at least play the Beatles version.
35. Only A Lad – Oingo Bongo – Allen Rockwell – So I guess it’s societies fault…
36. Walking After Midnight – Patsy Cline – Jeff Shoemaker – I think Jeff only wants to kill one person here but it will be a very very nasty murder.
37. My Shit’s Fucked Up – Warren Zevon – Ken Shoemaker – This is an inspired call because as horrifying killing sprees might be, they don’t compare to the fucked up shit cancer does.
38. Slade – The Whole World’s Goin’ Crazee – Robert Nevin – Imagine if you will, a man, a machete, and a soccer stadium..
39. I Got You Babe – Sonny And Cher – Johnny Dynomite – Yeah, and not just your significant other but their entire extended family will be leaving the building.
40. I Can’t Explain – The Who – Mike Gervasi – I wouldn’t worry too much about explaining, I think your actions will be speaking for themselves.
41. It’s a Small World – Disney Children Choir – Martin Stillion – And about to get a little smaller.
42. Dead Man’s Party – Oingo Boingo – John Arenivar – Apparently the Oingo Boingo are the band of choice for psychotic killing sprees
43. Hop And Tickle – Eric Matthews – Tim Groves – Lo Fi pal of Lou Barlow, this is for when Tim wants to slowly terrify his victims to death.
44. Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond – Lynn Pokemonojeff – As a Red Sox hater, my sympathies are entirely with Lynn
45. Shoot To Thrill – Haelstorm – Corrado Palmerini – Sorry, no AC/DC. Here is what Corrado has to say: “On a loop Shoot to Thrill. ACDC In a very short story where the system Fucks over Men through Divorce. N there’s still a few good guys out there n this is how one particulars story unfolds n spins out of control. Murder Suicide w the ending credits. The song by Frank Sinatra “I did it my Way” n then the movie spikes into popularity n Copy Cats spring up at the dozens in which calls for reform of Restraining Order deemed unconstitutional due to Probable cause issues and abuse if Say So once known as hearsay. Twisted enough for ya? LOL” Really? I just listened to “It’s A Small World”, what do you think?
46. Oops… I Did It Again – Britney Spears – Maria A. Vullo – Just when you thought it was sate to go back to your usual listening habits…
