British pop and R&B star Cheryl Cole declared to NME a few days ago that Rihanna was kind to have forgiven Chris Brown, and that it was about time that everyone forgive him for beating the hell out of his girlfriend:
‘She's [Rihanna] come out and publicly forgiven him really. I think it's about time we all did if I'm completely honest, if you want my opinion.’
She later justifies herself by finishing with the ever-powerful comment: ‘Now that she's come out and embraced him again, I think it's time we all moved on. That guy is talented as hell.’
He is talented, so we should forgive him? People pretend they forgive rock stars all the time, people have forgiven R. Kelly and Michael Jackson’s more than questionable conducts with underage girls and little kids, and weren’t Glen Campbell, Ike Turner and Alan Jackson also accused of having beaten their wives in the past? It doesn't matter, the fans have forgiven. But most people forgive for the wrong reasons.
Cheryl Cole's declaration is not different, she is wrong of course, and at so many levels. Forgiveness is always praised to the skies in people’s rants as if it was the supreme value of human species. But I don’t think most humans can truly forgive, and Rihanna’s renewed acquaintance with her boyfriend was either calculated or an opportunity which turned to be very valuable.
First of all why should I forgive Chris Brown? I wasn’t the one whom he assaulted, he didn’t do anything to me (or to Cheryl Cole), I have nothing to forgive him, if there is some forgiveness to occur, it’s between him and Rihanna. But then, abusers, especially physical abusers, are a special species, there are actions which are truly unforgivable.
We are taught we should forgive to anyone since childhood, this is the highest value of our Christianity-based society, the what-would-Jesus-do-thing, but it is so wrong in many cases.
In an 2008 issue of The New Yorker, anthropologist Jared Diamond in his piece titled ‘Vengeance is Ours’, demonstrated that vengeance is one of the strongest of human emotions, that the justice system does not very often totally fulfill … but this is the price we have to pay for living in a civilized society. And this leads to the conclusion that the need to forgive in any situation, was forced on us by religion and other social systems but does not reflect our true savage nature. We are not forgiving animals.
I don’t reject forgiveness, it is absolutely necessary in many cases, I forgive to good people, but I am talking about the unforgivable acts made by bad people, the abuse, the rape, the murder, I tend to think these crimes should not be forgiven. And Chris Brown was unrepentant, he didn’t even try to apologize.
Forgiveness is a complicated feeling, and people rarely forgive for the right reasons, as there are often other hidden agendas behind such an act. People, who are way too ready to forgive, do not always have the purest intentions. In Rihanna’s case, she collaborated with him, it was controversial and she and Brown sold even more songs than before. I don’t know how calculated it really was, but it worked!
Cheryl Cole’s case is no different, she wants you to think she is this generous forgiving woman, whereas all she wants is to record a duet with Rihanna! She is just using her false magnanimous feeling to get what she wants.
Rare are the who can truly show forgiveness and other grand sentiments out of pure generosity, people always work for their own agenda and own success, and we should not be fooled.