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Martha Stewart Living Is Throwing A Punk Rock Party,… What?

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photo by Martha Stewart Living

Punk is all about DIY and Martha Steward is the queen of DIY, so they were made to find themselves, right? What did I say? This sounds such a terrible idea, what can angry punk rockers, leather jackets and red mohawks have anything in common with beige J Crew Martha Stewart? How dare she and her Living take over punk style? It’s not because she went in jail for fraud involving big dough that she is a rebel! On the contrary, after all she sells some of her shitty crafts at Wal-Mart, temple of these heartless capitalist pigs….

But this doesn’t prevent Martha Stewart Living to publish an article like this one, ‘’Rock On! How to Throw a Punk Rock-inspired party!’ by Alexndra Churchill… How bad it is? Really bad from the beginning, with this sentence in the first paragraph ‘Here’s how to pull together a party that won’t turn into a riot.’ Well, I understand she wants to be funny, but that’s precisely what punk is about, a riot!

So let’s see what are the original ideas to entertain your precious guests? VIP tickets as party invitations? Wrong again, punks don’t believe in VIP status… the decorations? Posters of Blondie, the Ramones, The Clash and Patti Smith, because you have to stay mainstream and be able to find the matching t-shirts at the Hot Topic of your local mall, but then what’s the hell is The Police doing there?

The activities? Do-it-yourself temporary mohawks and tattoos and punk-ified crafts made with safety pins, nails and studs (no razor baldes?), as well as plaid-fabric garlands and gold safety pins… plaid and pins is Martha’s idea of punk and these things should be perfect in your next Halloween or Christmas party. Just watch the video for making these marvelous punk-ins which I am rather tempted to call pump-Kiss, meaning it is another flagrant failure.

The songs? ‘The classic track “London Calling” by The Clash is great for welcoming guests in the doo. Save “Sheena Is a Punk Rocker” by The Ramones for later in the evening when things really start to heat up on the dance floor.’ The Ramones have always been kids music to my ears anyway… It’s time to inject a little bit of Bad Brains and Minor Threat into this party.

The menu? ‘Spinach Ricotta Skulls’ because skulls are ‘a classically punk motif’ – may be they should stick to Halloween parties – and ‘ Buy a sheet of music — in your favorite punk jam’ to top your ‘fondant-covered cupcakes’… sheet music! oh yeah another very punk thing to do….

Why does Martha Stewart Living want to take over punk rock, and when did the genre become so inoffensive? It died a little bit more with this article.

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