If your ears were glued to pop radio stations in 1981, you would have been enjoying “Endless Love” by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, “Lady” by Kenny Rogers, and “Theme from ‘Greatest American Hero’ (Believe It or Not)” by the handsome and multi-talented Joey Scarbury. Scarbury also recorded “Flashbeagle” for the 1984 Peanuts special It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown, an animated tale about a rogue pooch who was repeatedly arrested for indecent exposure.
25. “It’s Not My Place (In the 9 to 5 World),” The Ramones. The Ramones’ career was an endless and unsuccessful battle for commercial viability. Legendary cuckoo bird Phil Spector produced their 1980 album and Graham Gouldman from 10cc was brought in to tame their sound in 1981. The results ended up sounding like a watered down version of their trademark punk rock roar, but “It’s Not My Place” pairs Marky Ramones’ rapid fire Bo Diddley beat with one of Joey’s best vocal performances. If you are so moved, insert “The KKK Took My Baby Away” in this slot for a no harm/no foul audible.
24. “I Think I’ll Just Stay Here and Drink,” Merle Haggard. Haggard had a stretch from 1971 to 1976 where he released sixteen singles and fourteen of those went to #1 on the country charts. He cooled off a bit later in the decade, but had another chart topper in 1981 with this four and a half long country song written around a simple melody and a classic honky tonk tagline. I don’t think I’ve ever heard another traditional country song that has three guitar solo passages.
23. “Tunnel of Love,” Dire Straits. Mark Knopfler got to this title six years before Bruce Springsteen, but The Boss ended up with the better song . Still, the margin of difference is more than respectable. Knopfler sounds both awake and lucid on this outing, two major accomplishments for the dour Brit.
22. “Tempted,” Squeeze. It seemed like former Ace (“How Long”) singer Paul Carrack was making a permanent Squeeze play in 1981, but he was just a sacrifice hitter. He gave the band their biggest U.S. hit until 1987’s structurally deficient “Hourglass” went Top 20. As the lead singer of Mike +The Mechanics, Carrack scored a #1 hit in 1989 with “The Living Years.” The distinct difference in quality between this Squeeze hit and his later work is a pretty solid representation of the decade’s negative trajectory.
21. “Jessie’s Girl,” Rick Springfield. True story – I was walking through a Dallas/Fort Worth mall about a year ago and spied a women that had the word’s “Jessie’s Girl” tattooed on the back of her neck. A bold move and infinitely preferable to “Trappin’ for J-Dawg.”
20. “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic,” The Police. My hatred for Sting is so all consuming that I still pretend that N.W.A. was rapping about his trio instead of Compton’s finest. Drummer Stewart Copeland, “I remember Sting for years trying to think of a rhyme for ‘magic’, as in ‘Every Little Things She Does Is Magic.’ I think the only word he could come up with, apart from ‘tragic’, was ‘pelagic’, which means ‘ocean going.’ There I was in my leather pants and punk hairdo, pondering the distinction between ocean-going and river-going fish.”
19. “I’m Just an Old Chunk of Coal (But I’m Gonna Be a Diamond Someday),” John Anderson. Nobody’s career began with a higher pinnacle in Nashville than John Anderson’s – he worked as a roofer at the Grand Ole Opry in the early 1970s. He became a fixture on country radio in 1980 with “She Just Started Liking Cheating Songs” and “1959.” This county Top Ten hit about self-actualization was penned by Texas wacko Billy Joe Shaver, who once shook my hand and did not shoot me.
18. “Still Doin’ Time,” George Jones. George Jones released records for over 55 years and had undoubtedly one of the greatest voices in the history of not just country music, but any genre. So, how many #1 singles did he have? 25? 50? Nope, only 15 including three duets with Tammy Wynette, one duet with Merle Haggard, and one serving in a backup vocalist slot on Barbara Mandrell’s “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool.” “Still Doin’ Time” is a timeless can’t-drink-the-pain-away number that could have been released, and topped the charts, at any point in his career. I sure miss The Possum.
17. “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground,” Willie Nelson. Willie finds a broken soul, patches it up, and sends it back into the world to do great things. This was from the 1981 movie Honeysuckle Rose, which starred Willie along with Dyan Cannon, who was once married to Cary Grant, and Amy Irving, who would later marry Steven Spielberg. However, for sheer blatantly dumb trivia, the best footnote is that character actor Slim Pickens was in the film and his successful career inspired his brother to go into the acting profession – using the stage name “Easy Pickens.” Oh, nice guitar work, too.
16. “Start Me Up,” Rolling Stones. “Start Me Up” isn’t a classic that ranks as high as “Brown Sugar” or “Gimme Shelter” or “Satisfaction” or “Tumbling Dice” or “Paint It Black.” However, sometimes just getting within sniffing distance is a substantial feat.
15. “Shake It Up,” The Cars. One of the most enjoyable and carefree records by The Cars, “Shake It Up” features a steadfast, percolating dancefloor beat and perhaps Elliot Easton’s best guitar solo. I saw The Cars perform way back in 1984 and do you know who was a better live act? Every other band that has ever played.
14. “So This is Love?,” Van Halen. I always preferred Van Halen as a hard rock band leaning Top 40 rather than hard rock leaning metal, since Diamond Dave didn’t have the inherent sinister dragging you by the fingertips into the eternal depths of hades evil metal vibe. Judging by his vocals these days, if he did make a deal with Beelzebub, he didn’t read the fine print.
13. “Seven Year Ache,” Roseanne Cash. Rosanne’s first #1 country single was a self-penned heartbreaker about a husband working the bar scene instead of paying attention to his wife. Even with the weird, cascading steel guitar sound, this became Cash’s only hit to crossover to the pop charts. Her marriage to Rodney Crowell outlasted the seven year ache by half a decade.
12. “Just the Two of Us,” Grover Washington, Jr. Grover’s a tough name to slap on anything. First, you have The Muppets Grover – the weird blue one that you can’t visualize without a picture. Grover Cleveland was a non-consecutive terms POTUS who enjoyed beer, cigars, may have had an illegitimate child, and married a 21 year old woman when he was 49, so the name worked out ok for him. Grover Norquist is one of the most feared political insiders in the U.S. and once, showing his advanced intellectual and verbal skills, used the term “poopy head” on CNN. And, nobody would know who Grover Washington, Jr. is without the vocals of Bill Withers on this song. In summary, you’re rolling the dice with the name “Grover.” Try “Zeb” instead.
11. “Ah! Leah!,” Donnie Iris. This proponent of the Buddy Holly school of nerd rock was a member of The Jaggerz in the early 1970s, their hit “The Rapper” went to #2 in 1970, and joined Wild Cherry after they recorded “Play That Funky Music.” He had three Top 40 hits in the early ‘80s with this ode to Leah and the wonderful powers of evil lust being his biggest. As of this writing, Donnie Iris and the Cruisers continue to play gigs in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Donnie’s brother, Mark Avsec, became an attorney specializing in intellectual property after he was sued for copyright infringement on “Ah! Leah!” Mark, “Donny and I won (the case). I lost a lot in attorneys’ fees.”
10. “Just Between You and Me,” April Wine. Like Anne Murray, April Wine escaped out of Nova Scotia and found international acclaim, although they seemed to have partially existed just to make Bachmann-Turner Overdrive sound like comparative brain surgeons. They scored over twenty Top 40 hits in Canada from 1971 to 1993 and while there is no reason to do a deep dive into their catalogue, this song is a perfect ‘80s power ballad template.
9. “Bad Reputation,” Joan Jett. The lead track from Joan’s first solo album is delivered with a well honed, snarling contemptuousness – punk rocker Joan had no interest in playing nice. The album stiffed when initially released, but her Gary Glitter cover “Do You Wanna Touch Me,” (don’t think too long about that songwriter and that title), went Top Twenty in 1982. And “Bad Reputation” was also a Top Ten hit. In Japan. In 2012.
8. “Super Freak,” Rick James. Rick James was a man with standards and he wasn’t going to exert too much energy on romancing an average freak. His recording career was later overshadowed by his personal demons – he spent two years in prison during the mid-90s and, by his own estimate, spent $7,000 a week on drugs for five straight years. That is a lot of potential stripper money to stuff in your nostrils.
7. “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do),” Hall and Oates. Hall and Oates had a trio of big hits in the mid-70s (“She’s Gone,” “Sara Smile,” and “Rich Girl”), then their career stalled for a few years. They had a major comeback in 1981, scoring three #1 singles with “Kiss on My List,” “Private Eyes,” and “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do),” on their way to becoming the best selling duo of all time. The funky dance track “I Can’t Go for That” has been sampled by De La Soul, the 2 Live Crew, and Simply Red, but was best used on the 2006 Plan B cut “Mama (Loves a Crackhead),” which I’ve honestly never heard, but that’s a title that deserves a mention.
6. “Beautiful World,” Devo. Is the world an inherently beautiful or ugly place? Is it a beautiful world if we pretend that the planet is only filled with puppies, mountains, and Scarlett Johansson? Can we morally ignore war, poverty, pestilence, and John Calipari? Once we’ve answered those probing questions, check out the bridge for lead singer Mark Mothersbaugh’s most lascivious, although irony chocked, moment.
5. “Pretty in Pink,” Psychedelic Furs. There was no bigger compliment from rock critics in the early ‘80s than being compared to the Velvet Underground, which the Furs frequently were. A more radio friendly take on this song became a hit in conjunction with the John Hughes film Pretty in Pink, but the 1981 version reflects the band’s initial dramatic spark, which ultimately resulted in more promise than fulfillment.
4. “Burnin’ for You,” Blue Oyster Cult. “Burnin’ for You” was co-written by rock critic Richard Meltzer, whose nephew, David Meltzer writes the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. Throw in a pepperoni pizza and this song brings all of my major interests together in one spot.
3. “That’s the Joint,” Funky Four Plus One. “That’s the Joint” pops like a novelty can of snakes and is a reminder that before the hip hop genre was “Black America’s CNN” or a representation of the thug life, it was simply party music. MC Sha-Rock is known as the first female rapper and was appointed as a National Advisor for the Cornell University Hip Hop Library Collection in 2013. I came in second place. Robert Christgau listed this groundbreaking, feel good number as his best song of the ‘80s.
2. “(Say No to) Saturday’s Girl,” Human Switchboard. An Ohio based Velvet Underground influenced trio, Human Switchboard received heaps of critical praise for their sole album, 1981’s Who’s Landing in My Hangar? – a title that sounds like a sexual identity crises. Myrna Marcarian both pleads and makes demands to a lover who wanders on this I know I’m losing you heartbreaker. This would have been a perfect cover track for Blondie when they were still pretending to be a rock band.
1. “ Our Lips Are Sealed,” The Go-Gos. The all female band Fanny were signed to a major label in 1970 and packed away a few hit singles during that decade, but the fact that The Go-Gos played music without the benefit of male reproductive organs was a big deal in 1981. Like “Norwegian Wood,” “Our Lips Are Sealed” was inspired by an affair, so I think the lesson for today is that everyone should go out and enjoy some society disapproved extracurricular marital activities because it might result in music that others will enjoy for decades. For followers of this advice, please be aware that Rock NYC Live and Recorded is awash in legal disclaimer templates.
