“We’re gonna slow things down now” Indie actress Zooey Deschanel warned mid-way through She & Him’s frankly terrible set at a sweltering Summerstage. What did they plan to do? Take a snooze? At 9pm Central Park is a sweltering 85 degrees and an audience who can’t see a damn thing and who have put up with a slackly paced set on astounding mediocrity put up with some more as the band leaves the stage to Zzzzz and Matt who are even worse by themselves then with a band who must have been told TO TURN DOWN THE VOLUME 1 – 3.
The wretchedly smug duo settled into an astonishing “Rave On”. How do you blow “Rave On”? Ask the Him here, Matt, who sounds a little hoarse and taking the lead softens the songs impact as the two of them remove the joy from one if the greatest rock songs of all time. She & Him had covered the song a couple of years ago on a tribute album, and the song was given a skiffle shuffle which didn’t work there and sinks without a trace on stage.
A couple of hours earlier I arrived to this insolent legend plugged on a wall. ” At the request of She & Him, we ask that people not use their cell phones to take pictures and videos, but instead enjoy the show they’ve put together in 3D”. The show was sold out, the indie pop Scottish band Camera Obscura were on stage and they sounded pretty good as well but as for 3D? I couldn’t see them in 1D. I wandered the field looking for a siteline and couldn’t find one anywhere.
I settled for a seat outside near the volunteers handing out wristbands for the beer and wine abusers. She & Him with a full band behind them hit the stage at 815pm, and how loud were they? Not very. Is Zooey nervous or does she have nothing at all to say? She said it had been a nice day. It hadn’t. She told us about returning from Canada THREE TIMES, had she forgotten she’d mentioned it before. She claimed it was the last night of the tour. It isn’t. The band are playing tonight (Monday).
Really, isn’t it enough already. Ditzy cute pixie hipster indie girls are one thing when you are 23 years out and just breaking out, but when you’re a thirtysomething divorcee they are something else again. Gimme a break already. Center stage at Summerstage she is a vacuous black hole of self-indulgent indolence, followed by Matt Ward who is one of the worst live performers I’ve ever seen. As a solo artist, Matt has a handful of good songs, but on stage he lacks anything approaching star power. Remember when he was with Jim James and Conor Oberst in Monsters Of Folk? Not only did the other two overshadow him THEY OVER SHADOWED HIM WHEN HE WAS THE ONLY ONE ON STAGE.
And if there was anything of any interest he would have been overshadowed Saturday night. There wasn’t. It started slow and then stopped entirely. Zooey played piano and guitar and hit a tambourine and sang to little effect and Matt blew one of his best songs, “Magic Trick”. And then, in an act of such overwhelming rudeness I thought I must have missed it, didn’t play their only hit, “Sentimental Heart”. Let me tell you about these smarmy stupid pricks: they had the audacity not to play the only song they have that approached a hit. I hung around after the first encore because I figured they had to play it, right? Three albums into their career? They had to. They came out for a second encore, yes, but they played “I Put A Spell On You” -not the worst song of the evening, but that was just because there was so much competition.
I didn’t really give the band a chance because I really, really couldn’t see anything but very early, the second song, they performed their excellent “I’ve Got Your Number, Son” and it was so lax, so lacking in momentum, so unmoving, they lost me for good. What were they doing on stage? I am really not sure though late into the show, maybe 20% of the audience left and I moved in closer. Zooey was in a black sparkly dress and Matt wasn’t. Two back up singers shimmied and bopped and the sound was so low, I figure they were worried about waking the neighbors.
I saw She & Him at Webster Hall in 2008, pushing the first album Volume One. They weren’t great but they weren’t this. Between the thrill of the new and the small room, it was OK. But that was five years ago and their schtick is a straight drag by now. “What did you do today?” Zooey asks. “Stood in line” came the reply. “It’s really hot” she said. Then why claim it was a nice day? Let me guess: because you spent the day in your air conditioned hotel room before going to your air conditioned dressing room. If Zooey looked like Mama Cass none of us would be here-people think she is a harbinger of a certain hip coolness and want to be close to it. She carries the band on her back but has no way to take it because she is a bad performer playing bad songs that lack in sexiness, rockiness, smartness. Every cover they do is terrible, every original a snooze. They are the pits and sooooo annoying. Is she a pothead? Nobody is this irritating, tedious, silly.
The set consisted of lots from their dreadful new album Volume Three (guess what the middle one is called). Nothing they play, no sound they tackle, they improve upon. The cover of “Roll Over Beethoven” may well be the worst thing I’ve ever heard. No passion, no sexiness, no beat, no Berry. Everything is wrapped in this white glazed quasi-early 60s veneer with a smudge of pixie dust. Song after song fails to ignite. If I never hear their version of “You’ve Really Got A Hold On Me” again it will be too soon. The best thing you can say about this band is they never invaded Poland. She & Him are the Pat Boone of indie rock. 3D? They should be so lucky
Grade: D
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