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Lady Gaga's "The Monster Ball" At The Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey

Lady Gaga has been flogging the Fame album relentlessly for years now  and by the time I finally got to see her at the Prudential Saturday it had morphed into a disaster.

Before Lady Gaga can lecture anybody about anything, yes, even teenage gender confusion, yes, even if it does a great deal of good, she has to fulfil her primary function as a pop musician. And she can't do this if the set has no flow. And the set has no flow.

First, she reached the stage an hour and a quarter after Semi Precious Weapons good to great glammy hard rock set. These guys are a blast, though lead singer Justin Tranter is a touch too gabby as well. Songs like their self named groovy fucker come on, seem to live out Justin's story of the first words he said to Lady Gaga: "I don't know who you are but I want to fuck you" He wants to fuck my girlfriend and with legs like Justin's I'd let him give me a ride as well. SPW fill up the arena nicely and are ready for their close up.

And then an hour and a quarter wait. Why? Why do that? So that there is no way we can hit anything but the 145am train to Penn? If the insufferably self-love Stefani thinks it builds anticaption to keep 10s of thousands of people waiting, she is ENTIRELY MISTAKEN. By the time LG hit the stage at the Prudential center I was furious and the little monsters were droopy though the minute she arrived (well five minutes of jerking around behind a curtain after she arrived) the monsters were roaring and I was looking for fruit to throw.

10:05pm we get our first sighting of her

10:08pm Lady Gaga stood center stage and waited and waited and waited for applause. This is after doing NOTHING. Who started this shit? It sucks whoever did. I saw Taylor Swift pull this at her concert and I hated it then but at least Taylor had performed a lot of her set, Cmon, don't beg for fucking applause. It is much more unseemly than your ghastly costumes.

10:15 pm – Costume change

10L20pm – Set change.

Look: all this fucking around, all this Monsters stuff, all this interruption, all these stage drop and dancers: they don't save you from performing a fucking set. Shut your fucking face and sing.I paid sixty bucks for these nose bleed sideviews in the middle of nowhere DO YOUR JOB.

i DON'T GET IT.

What the fuck gives? Now she is calling an audience member on her cell for an excruciatingly squirmy talk. Because the fawning Little Monster answered the cell, T-Mobile gave $20K to Gaga's pet project: a house for runaway transgendered teens (if you're straight, I guess you can always lie if you need a place to stay). Look: 10% of the world is gay and personally, I don't give a damn. It has zero effect on my life who other people fuck. Though I am so sick of Gaga I might change my mind. What matters to me is I don't miss an hour of a concert because some dumb fuck rock star won't go on stage and do her motherfucking job.

I left at 11:15pm and HEARD MAYBE SEVEN SONGS!

The show  had zero momentumn, zero swing, nothing. It kept stopping while the stupid girl pranced around.and picked up gifts and prattled on about how much she loves her little monsters and can't live without them. She's like a chick you're tired of  dating after a month and she's madly in love with you and you're getting really bored and wish she'd just shut up and fuck.

Exceptions. "You And Me" -a newbie, was an excellent, restrained ballad;  an Elton Johnish "Born This Way" changed my mind about the song, i know there is a mix like this and I plan to buy it if it's available, and "Telephone" was pretty good. So I enjoyed maybe ten minutes.

Look at Lady Gaga this way:  never before have so few done so little for so many. All she needs is a piano and a back up band, she has the music. BUT if she must give us a blow out, pace it, play it, let it work for you. Or you'll be left  with memories of that bad romance and wondering what you did wrong.

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