Miracle Whip is betting that you’re an impressionable slut and that you have boring, awful taste. Let’s see if they’re right.
The famous faux-mayo slash salad dressing decided that their buyers are all kids who grew up on the stuff and forgot about it when they left college. So how do you reengage 25 year-olds in your brand? Apparently, they asked someone’s entirely out-of-it dad, and ran to the market without a second opinion. The money they’ve spent on marketing is nothing short of wasted, and insulting to anyone with even a delicate appreciation of music.
Yep, they paid to be in a Lady Gaga video. But wait. It gets WAY worse.
Lady “LONG MUSIC VIDEOS MAKE ME LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON, RIGHT?” Gaga introduced her new video for “Telephone”… a 10 minute expensive mess for a bad song. The video is already a dumb, not-art failure, and has earned less attention than a music video put together by soldiers in Afghanistan to the same song. (these soldiers, it seems, didn’t tell, and certainly weren’t asked)
In a portion of Lady Gaga’s less-successful video, she wanted to juxtapose all-American brands with sequences where she poisons an entire restaurant of diners.
Wonder Bread is also in this scene, but you can bet that they didn’t pay for an idiotic sequence like that. It was an unpaid placement. Miracle Whip, a brand run by a circus of baboons wearing Ray Bans, paid big money to “connect with the kids”… Did they realize that this also meant they’d be “connected with poison”? Apparently, they don’t care. They got Lady Gaga, and they feel cool.
Well, demographic? What’s the verdict?
Going back a little further, do you remember the outrageously befuddling commercial, “We are Miracle Whip, and we won’t tone it down?” The commercial showed a bunch of “grungy” models partying on a roof, playing with Polaroid cameras, wearing plaid, and making cheap food… Then, a girl walks liltingly… seductively towards the camera, arms straight out, holding a jar of Miracle Whip. As if it was a box of condoms, and YOU know what to do with it.
All this to a bad international knock-off hipster band, The Datsuns out of New Zealand, playing “High School Hooligan”. It’s long been known that Williamsburg is a bunch of kids who have enough dad-money to not need a real-job… but I can’t see a group who collectively agrees that “Of Montreal” is a sell-out falling for marketing THIS thick-skulled.
So I’ll ask again… Miracle Whip has paid ship-loads of cash to reinvent themselves to you. Is your musical taste so bad that they got to you?