Dear Santa,
We here at rock nyc come from may walks of life. We are professionals, we are hipsters, we are metal heads and techno geeks we are very, very strange.
But as the team spokesperson I gotta tell you we have been really good. We have all done our best, I think. I think everyone but me didn’t swear much, and well aside from me and Iman no one was very mean.
We hope we are on your good list and if we aren’t we’re going to have to contact our lawyers for arbitration.
But I will present our wish list and hope you will oblige.
For Alyson, a genuine Elliott Smith police report only not blacked out and a clear concise conclusion. I also think she deserves carte blanche at Amoeba Records cuz I swear she nearly lives there and gives them more positive press than they could get anywhere.
For Todd, a soundproof man cave. A baby on the way and a little guy already around? This guy needs a place to make devil horns and maybe even put on his own ‘Waynes World’ type metal show. Which I will gladly embed here.
m.kriss needs lumber and nails for the cat houses, and something jazzy to wear. Lets get her a FBI badge too.
For Woody, an endless bottle of Tylenol for those morning afters and perhaps a disguise so the next time he bolts out of a U-haul in compromised positions he can remain anonymous. I think he needs some new running shoes too since he at times needs to ditch the fuzz.
For Mary a chauffeur cuz I’m sorta tired of carting her butt all over the place. She could also use some soundproofing in her room….please.
For Wyatt some of those wicked spooky spike arm cuff things. See he’s pretty bad ass for a preppy kid, so lets help push him right over the edge. Oh and some mace so no weirdos fuck with him.
For Iman, well a spell checker and a zen garden. Something to calm him when he flips out– no wait, that’s me.
For Me? Meh, I’m cool. I could use a few more hours in the day but otherwise, I have everything I need right here.
Hope you like soy milk and vegan agave cookies.
Your reindeer really should get proper breaks, its only fair.
Merry Christmas.
Love,
Hel