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Chrissie Hynde: The Great Pretender as Rock Goddess by Helen Bach

Chrissie Hynde is a Goddess.

Lets start there. Everything else is just filler.

Chrissie Hynde lead singer front woman head engineer visionary songstress activist HERO was born in 1951. Shes old. She kicks ass.

Long ago I fell in love with the Pretenders by ear only. Back then I didn’t hate women singers at all. I’m pretty sure the reason I hate most now is because I hold them to her standard. I believe the first song I heard was Tattooed Love Boys. How hot. Here was a girl not begging for a boy to want her but standing on level ground, ha ha and too bad… loved that attitude. From the time I heard that I decided I wanted to be her. Pete Farndon? James Honeyman Scott? yyyeeeeeeeeeeeowza. That girl had it all -intelligent with the most amazing and captivating vocal range Id ever encountered. At this point I didn’t even know she held a guitar.

I picked up the vinyl. Shes gorgeous…. I didn’t quite know if I should hate her or love her but at this point I was more entranced with the music. Joan Jett rode a tandem at the time too, but she always seemed a bit trashy. Latex fetish girl I mentioned before. Chrissie was above it. She carried with her the air of intelligence and strength, Joan walked around with sex toys and a bondage mask with a cheesy snarl. Go home honey,the Runaways are callin’.

The history of Chrissie and the Pretenders is a predictable one. Art School Girl goes to UK, freelances for the New Musical Express,  gets involved in punk scene jumps band to band longs for her own, creates her own makes a demo crowd goes wild.. a little drama here and there but onward we go.

The Pretenders first release contained the annoying wang of Brass in Pocket, helped them make some money I suppose but I hated that song. I do believe MTV killed that song for me with the smarmy “Special” menu pointing by the boys. But the rest of the album was my life’s blood Precious being another that I belted out at full volume to the concern of my parents. 1980 my dears, I was 14, oh God…

A few years ago they did a remaster re release thing that included Cuban Slide. I love that song now.. love love love it.

Pretenders II, now they’re shining. This to me is one of my top 5 albums of all time. How do you go from “Bad Boys Get Spanked ” to “I Go To Sleep” and not miss a beat AND retain credibility? A feat impossible but a range intoxicating. Day After Day still chokes me up.

Now I can go through the rest of their discography for you showing how amazingly diverse and talented Chrissie is but reading it wont do jack for you go grab some of their songs go purchase Pirate Radio but listen. There is enough diversity in her works to never bore. I can tell you she and Ray Davies had a kid that she married that Simple Minds guy, that she married a Brazilian I think but I also think they split. I can tell you her and Martin Chambers the only non suicide committing Pretender still tour….

I can tell you that I saw her just 3 years ago for the first time at the Waterbury Palace. My rocker pal Peggy had to literally push me out of my row to the stage cuz I was a deer in the headlights. I couldn’t move. Hilarious now but it was so amazing that I never ever want to see her again. I was front row center right in front of her as she performed (with Chambers) every song I ever wanted to hear. It was flawless, she was personable, she was class…..pure class with a bad ass stance. What an amazing woman. What an inspiration to girls and women to be strong, be sexy, be tough, be soft, be intelligent, be proud, be diligent, be unbending, be yourself.

As Iman mentioned Chrissie is a vegetarian with a fist for animal rights. Active in PETA and all the while not seeming fanatical. Although I aspired as a young teen to be her, my reason for turning away from the carnivore world was not her sway but my own. Learning what I did about the industry and the cruelties involved in mass production of flesh for consumption, I found that was not the way for me. I too am active with the causes of humanity and animal rights. Life rights as Id like to refer to it. Respect comes with intelligence and I consider myself intelligent albeit a bit silly at times. As a higher life form it becomes our responsibility to protect those without the intelligence or voice to do so for themselves. I try not to preach but rather spread information and let people decide for themselves.

In 2007 Chrissie as a joint venture opened a vegan restaurant in Akron Ohio The VegiTerannian, cute. I wish her success. Really that’s funny she is a success, on her own.

Long Live Chrissie…….I adore you.

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