1. Bon Iver – Man, this guy is uncool. He is a whining moping drag, who, in a moment of humor I didn't realize Kanye West possessed, West stuck him on a song and this dreary dairy drinker (don't bother, it doesn't mean anything) suddenly became cool, which he ain't.
2. The Book Of Mormon – This is the funniest musical of all times? This? What does that make "Animal Crackers"? The Bible. Blubbering bullshit with crap songs, crap jokes and a center so soft you could stab it to death with a slab of butter.
3. Mirror Trick – But really, anything Beck touches sucks except for Charlotte Gainsbourg because, let's be honest: SHE IS COOL. BECK AND MALKMUS ARE NOT COOL.
4. The Brian Jonestown Massacre – This fucking guy, Anton Newcombe is such a whacked out pussy it isn't even funny. He has written a handful of good songs and fired his band every chance he has. The man should be fronting Wilco.
5. Both Jay-Z and West are uncool but Jay-Z is UNCOOL. It is one thing to tape your baby on your latest song, it is something else to make it the biggest load of piffle known to, man
6. Itunes – Put a fork in it, Spotify is stealing their lunch box, the prices are ridiculous and the interface is looking its age.
7.Rock critics – Sure, there was a couple of years where the ink drenched wretches put their heads up from their desks for some reason other than getting turned down for a double date, they are known as the Cameron Crowe years. Well, they are over now -and rock critics are the personification of uncool again.
8. Charity – the problem with rock and roll charity is that the money never goes where it is meant to, which is not cool.
9. Social networking – people who hate you in person, if they'd speak to you in person, can ignore you on line. But, hey, at least you can subscribe to the suckers. PS Twitter is much, much worse.
10. Running a music blog – the very definition of hard work for sod all. As uncool as humanly possible. Maybe more. Plus thanks for all the hate mail… I mean, really, last time I looked we hadn't invaded Poland.
Comments are closed.