“Oh I just don’t know where to begin… “ so the album starts, and so this post does. “Accidents Will Happen” starts off with the must abrupt GAH moment. The nasal Costello shouts this out but then carries on he knows. “I don’t want to hear it cuz I know what I have done”. This song is so incredibly powerful that to this day it forces me to sing along . Lyrically its perfection- the music amazingly as perfect. I clearly see a young Hel lying in bed reading and singing this top of the lungs. Fuck the neighbors, I'd even sing the fade out ‘I know’.
The problem with this weeks Sassy Bach is that I can’t even recall when I got a hold of this album but I do remember what I was wearing. I think it must have been very early 80s there was a poster on my wall of Sylvester Stallone in the Lords of Flatbush hanging on my wall. That movie rocked- a lot. I was hanging out with the rocker boys at this time. Pretty much the only girl with the nerve enough to look the part of a punk rock kid in upper middle class land. So much younger than these guys but so much smarter in retrospect. They banged drugs and I drove the car. They’re mostly dead now and well… here I am.
“Armed Forces” by Elvis Costello is a daring move for me to cover here. I am surrounded by Costello fanatics so my fact checking must be precise right? No. This column is not about the mechanics of an album but rather a personal view of a great recording. I don’t care what Costello’s mindsets or meanings were- this is how it impacted Jane Public. (that’d be me)
“Oliver’s Army” had a great video. I love love LOVED Costello’s legs (still do but they’re trunky). Running about they took this song from being a really disturbing tune to an almost Monkees romp on the beach. “London is full of Arabs”. I must have destroyed these lyrics a thousand time. Screw the lyric sheet, ‘one less white nigger’. But THE LINE? “I would rather be anywhere else but here today’. I love the piano and the echo in the chorus. How can you not adore this song? “it’s a professional career”
“Senior Service” sounds so 80s now (though it is 70’s) It’s the drum and Elvis is mad. ‘it’s a death than worse than fate’. ‘they took me in the office and they told me very carefully…’, you get what you get. Shut up and do it. I loved this song mostly for its stinging lines.
“Green Shirt”, ‘you tease you flirt…’. This song isn’t supposed to be sexy but it is. I’ll tell you why it gets the motor running. If you listen closely you can HEAR the gap in Costello’s teeth. The air rush in ‘tease’ echoes just a smidge. The drum is awesome and this song reminds someone of me which is way cool too. Cuz I’m cool too.
“Two Little Hitler’s” “I face the music I face the facts” reminds me of the Dan Ackroyd /Steve Martin ‘wild and crazy guy’ costume. I will not burn. Is this entire album touching on WW2? I don’t really care but I’m sure someone knows (and I’m pretty sure they will chime in on the ‘true meaning of Armed Forces’) to me it’s just a sexy ass beast singing songs with some danceable music and lyrics to shout back ‘You Flick a Switch and The World Goes Out’. Killahhhh!
“(What’s So Funny Bout) Peace Love and Understanding” this is the college kid tune. Those idiotic assholes in Izod shirts and Bass loafers who ‘loved punk rock’ and wore Canoe cologne. It is unfortunate that I can’t love this song because of all the idiots I have encountered who love it. Listening now it’s really beautiful. Too bad it attracted the dolts. Did produce another yummy video of Costello though… what a dish.
“Party Girl”, I knew her and it wasn’t me. I convinced my high school to play this at one of the dances. I behaved badly while it was on. The dance floor cleared, they didn’t get it. I just liked hearing it at that volume. I’m pretty sure it was followed by Bryan Adams on the DJ list.. makes me want to vomit in retrospect. “maybe I’ll never get over the change in style”. That was a rough time, I couldn’t have been more on the outside of my social circle. It was OK though, I was an angry young girl. “I’m in a grip like vice”
“Big Boys” another unintentional sexy song “I shall walk out of this place”, was such a stomping line that to this day I still sing it with power. The gulping beat is gorgeous. I have no idea what the hell he’s going on about but I really don’t care- this is a get up and fight tune. A get up and march out tune. ‘she’ll be the one….’
“Chemistry Class”, are you ready for the final solution? In this song Elvis’ voice uses every trick in his bag. From the deep man voice to the nasal yelp- for that reason this song wins as best song on the album. The warbled guitar makes it all the more intoxicating. “snakes and ladders running up and down her nylons”, Costello is such a sexy beast its absurd. I got more heat for my massive crush on this guy than any other. There’s something just adorable about a hot mess
“Busy Bodies”, I found the keyboard at an annoying pitch in this song. Not that its bad but it sounded so cheesy. That may be intentional but to me it plucked my nerves. I wasn’t really a fan of this one—sorry Elvisites.
“Moods For Moderns”, this songs music is freakin awesome “I get hit looking for a Miss’, ‘what if all of your dreams come true’. Lyrically this song is another example of perfection. The self depreciation as thick as his lenses. “foreign fingers…’
“Goon Squad”, I thought this song was about being drafted. Still think it has something to do with being stuck in a place you don’t want to be. “some go drinking with the lads, some don’t grow up at all’. Making lampshades out of people is a WW2 thing again. Wait is this really a Third Reich tribute? Nah, it’s a Brit boy being sassy, just let it go. The energy in this song is not only contagious but sustaining. I may need to eventually make this my favorite
“Sundays Best”, I liked this cuz it had double meaning. “times are tough for English babies”. This song is Costello’s voice in pure glory. When he says ‘Off your chest’, that strain is so freakin cool. The carnival paced music adds a swirl that makes this song brilliant. As a British American the ‘socks and vest’ confused me til I found out that a ‘vest’ is an undershirt. How cute!! The bass is so distinct, that you can follow it as a lone instrument if you just concentrate. I like that in a song.
I remember one time going to the beach with the punk boys. They’re dressed in leather jackets and Doc Martins. Tough and cool and there I was in cut offs and an cut up Armed Forces t-shirt. What a site that must have been. They were good guys who got caught up in the scene and swerved out of control, luckily I was just a kid who knew how to drive.