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The Rock Star As Scary Monster

Watching Paul Simon on TV the other day, Helen wondered if he was a zombie. Well, he might be, I certainly think there is something other about Simon, though to be honest, I think there is something other about a whole helluva lot of rock stars.

It isn't just age, though it can start with age. The exemplifier is Keith Richards. Keith Richards is a reverse Dorian Gray. He remains gorgeous in his pictures while every debauched acrtion he ever performed is etched upon his face in the real world today.

Or how about Counting Crows, Adam Duritz, the Medusa of rock? Or Damian Abraham of Fucked Up -a sort of sweaty bear of a man.Like the unctuous villain in Toy Story 3.

But you don't have to be ugly to be a monster: Patrick Stickles is a good looking bloke but has a wild eyed Rasputin look to him and Girl's Chris Owens  looks as though he has just stepped out of Friday the 13th.

Even youth isn't saving us from the scary monster syndrome. Odd Future's Tyler, The Creator, looks exactly like what he claims to look like: a Goblin.A very nasty one at that.

As for women: Queen Larifah is the Ursula the Sea Witch of rap and Nicki Minaj's makeover so complete she has become a cartoon caricuture of herself. Nicki looked OK in her true colors as a bulldyke, now she doesn't look like anything.

Still age ain't gonna help either. When women grow older, their physical beauty fades, and if they have lived their life in the public eye it is all too apparent. It is normal but it FEELS monstrous. They are like professsional atheletes who the minute they stop playing ball indulge in all the food and cake they'd denied themselves their entire lives. Say hello to Linda Ronstadt and Stevie Nicks, folks.

Then there are those who pretend they are scary monsters but when you take the mountains of make-up off are really quite pretty.Lady Gaga comes to mind.

Those born to be scary monsters?  Take a bow Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson.

And scariest of all? Celine Dion, if only for her singing.

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