Boredom, tedium, nothingness: the void that is our lives or, if you prefer, Rolling Stones 40 Reasons To Be Excited About Music -giving hope to highs chool seniors everywhere that they too can write this lousy crap.
David Fricke, old time and never particularly inspiring rock journalist starts off by winning the waward for lamest sentence known to man: “You hear it all the time: Rock is dead. But the current state of music is the same as it ever was: There is the good and the bad, and there is always plenty of the former, if you’re willing to seek it out.” or as I know and love it: THERE’S NOTHING TO READ HERE FOLKS, MOVE ALONG TO THE NEXT ARTICLE.
And, working off Rolling Stones, let’s have a quick sneer (well mostly) and some of these decrepit old farts excitable reasons. Or to be put it another way: did they never think of not writing about reasons to be excited about music.
1. Cover stars the Black Eyed Peas -OK, sure, I gave The E.N.D. a (much more) positive review than Stone did. But asking Will. I . Am to wax philosphical is the equivalent of getting Courtney Love to give your commenement speech.
2. MGMT rejecting fame -I guess that was before they realized they weren’t gonna sell any albums.
3. Supergroup Them Crooked Vultures – Now we’re off and running.
4. The return of the Strokes – Except they haven’t actually returned yet.
5. And T.I. – Again, three featured performance is know as breakfast to Lil Wayne.
6. Dr. Luke – Six months late on this one, folks. Longer if you include Flo Rida’s awesome album for last year (we raved about it for half of last year)
7. Jamey Johnson – Again, about a year late.
8. Divas ruling the charts – By divas they mean women.
9. Chuck Berry’s residency in ol’ St. Lo’ – Finally, Rolling Stone justify their existence. I’ve heard about him playing for entire Sundays… wow… that I can’t wait to read.