I am sure that you, like me, read in wonder Rolling Stones Magazines wondrous musician (and actor) profiles, wondering precisely how the likes of Brian Hiatt manages to get Bruno Mars to open up like… er, like something that opens… a shellfish or a clam.
Anything that bothers to open up, really.
And then write such riveting prose about it all. I mean, what do you do if you’re trapped in a car with Bruce Springsteen. How do you write it up.
This is fascinating stuff and my theory is, all the interviews you read are just the same story with the names changed and a template and it goes like this.
1. Rock star (let’s call her Helen) is riding down sunset in a very expensive car.
2. She reflects on the last two years with just one juicy piece of gossip, a dis of an ex or something, thrown in.
3. Manager quotes.
4. High school friend quotes.
5. Now she is working out at the gym and brian can’t keep up.
6. Famous friend offers his opinion.
7. Getting drunk in a nightclub (but not too drunk)
8. THE TEMPER TANTRUM! The “he says with all due respects but he isn’t be respectful).
9. The visit at his house for the heart of the interview: two hours of dribble.
10. Off to the recording studio.
11. Private phone call, interviewer must leave the room.
12. Helen really likes the interviewer, spots him after a show and waves.
13. Another heart to heart, at some point here she will snap at hime, “That’s a very personal question, “ she’ll say. “I don’t know why you would ask that”.
14. Some religion (she’s a very spiritual person)
15. Some boy talk (the ex, the new one)
16. Some childhood reminiscent.
17. The rehab quote.
17. And for the big finale Helen and Brian are in the expensive car tooling down Sunset at Sunset. Must be a metaphor there somewhere, right?