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Fixing a Hole In A Yellow Submarine… Or I need a fix cuz i’m going down

Remember when the movie director Robert Zemeckis was good? No, really, before Forrest Gump during his I Wanna Help Your Hand period. I Wanna hold Your Hand takes place on day in Manhattan but not just any day. The day the Beatles are too play the Ed Sullivan Show and these kids are going bonkers trying to get into the show!!! Best scene? Some chick breaks into the Beatles Plaza Hotel suite and falls asleep with georgy’s guitar between her legs.

So you member now, right? Good. Forget it. I went to Zemeckis IMAX 3D performance capture A Christmas Carol over the weekend and there are no words to express its awfullness: it’s like staring into the abyss and all you see is nothingness. No, it’s like a nightmare I once had where everyone looked normal but they were just strangely off -they looked scary. Every time he uses Performance capture everything looks horrible -he has made exactly one sexy, attractive character using Performance capture and that was Angelina Jolie as the mum in Beowolf -everything else, Ebenezer’s one true love, Tom hanks as the conductor on the polar express, Cratchitt, everybody is freakish and ugly. UGHERLY. A loust movie.

So now Zemeckis wants to direct and a 3D Yellow Submarine and the mind fucking boggles. The Beatles and blue meanies were ugly enough to start with, the thought of what Zemeckis will do to em after he gets through with them should make the counry shake in its boots.

Robert, I beg of you, in the words of that woman in the Simpsons Town Hall Meetings: “Think of the children. Won’t somebody think of the children?”

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