I very rarely self-censor. Essentially if I think it I'll write it. But reading Alyson's post about Courtney claiming Grohl had an affair with Courtney and Kurt's daughter Francis, I thought wouldn't it be funny to write a pornographic romance about it. And I mentioned it to my co-editor Helen Bach who thought it was a terrible idea. Which kinda made me think it was the right thing to do.
Because
1. I don't dislike Courtney any more than I dislike Dave
And
2. Francis has all the millions, so fuck her.
And
3. In fact, Courtney has three albums, Pretty On The Inside, Live Through This, and the MTV Unplugged better than anything Grohl has ever come close to, even if she is a touch on the unstable side.
And
4. Therefore I am free to write something implicating the stupidity of the story and plus the envelope.
Here is what stopped me: I couldn't get the hook quite right. I had some stuff like Grohl invites the kid over to watch old film of him and her daddy having anal sex… no, recording a song, making music, tongue kissing… and one thing … you see? It doesn't really flow. It is all a little hackneyed.
Oddly enough, I once wrote a post full of Dave Grohl sex fantasies and this would have fit in perfectly.
"You've always mattered to me, Bean. You've always been someone I've wanted as part oh my life…"
"Dave… you're old enough to be my father. I am intrigued but… it is so wrong."
"You're father didn't care about laws and neither do I…" Dave puts in hand on bean's knee…Hmmm, a little yucky, right? And not very clever. There is nothing clever about the situation. With its suggestions of incest and May/October. It is transgressive…. But not transgressive enough. It isn't offensive enough. Not a hand slapper.
It isn't that it crosses the lines as satire (or real life for that matter). What would here? I dunno. Throw Love into the mix? His pre-teen daughters. That's the sorta stuff I couldn't really get behind.
And what is satiric? Actually, the entire story is a satire on rock star privilege. Or is it a parody on Courtney's and Dave's, and even Francis', complete bizarreness.
Dave's hand was on Francis's breast and Francis was holding him… tightly passionate. "Ooooh Bean…" Nope, sorry it ain't happening.