Christmas Time Means Crappy Christmas Albums Time… The 2012 Round Up
Last year we have Michael Buble and Justin Bieber, one was better than the other though they both sucked, and in 2007 we had the Taylor Swift EP. and somewhere in the middle of all that Bob Dylan.
2012 peaks much higher than 2011 or just about any year this century… it also peaks lower….
On This Winter's Night – Lady Antebellum – A vision of hell, the breathing embodiment of Scrooge's old admonishment " "Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.". With worlds of competition, this includes the single worst versions of "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" and "All I Want For Christmas" and "I'll Be Home For Christmas". A dreary, dire, humorless slog through worn out chestnuts that are like old horses dragging overweight Christmas tourists from the Mid-West around Central Park. These songs should be set free to spend the end of their days gamboling in fields or green and being remembered through versions by Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby. Possible the least soulful album ever released by any one – Grade: F
Tinsel And Lights – Tracey Thorn – A fine "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is all well and good, but Joni Mitchell's "River" is spectacular, the Dolly Parton cover on point and then some, White Stripes reminds you of her former band, "Like A Snowman" a Stephen Merritt's piece of melancholia, Ron Sexsmith is Ron Sexsmith-y. and best of all Tracey's originals remind you that she might not be prolific but everything she does is better than everybody else. Best of all her own "Joy" – Grade: A-
Christmas In The Sand – Colbie Caillat – Santa hangs five on the West Coast with the always pleasantly unassuming Caillat offering the joys of spending Christmas with sand in your shoes. The original are pretty good, especially the title track and the usuas suspects are harmless – Grade: B-
Christmas With – Scotty McCreery – It is like Linda Blair in full possession mode has taken over Christmas songs. What is it with country and Christmas? They ALWAYS get it wrong. This is just terrifying – Grade: C-
Merry Christmas, Baby – Rod Stewart – What to do when every song you sing sounds like a Rod Stewart song? Sing every song, of course. So far, Stewart has shown just a tiny weeny bit of self control and saved us from a Christmas album. This is so crappy, even Chris Botti sucks. Even Ella is irritating and she has been dead since 1996 Just shameless garbage – Grade: D+
CeeLo's Magic Moment – Ceelo's magic moment came and left in 2010. This piece of trash is what is left of the good will he accrued from "Fuck You". The worst version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" ever? Could be. Still, I like his voice – Grade: C-
Holidays Rule – Various Artists – Some big names get together to do nothing much with Christmas songs. Between their tired performance on SNL and this ho hum "Sleigh Ride" fun. are less fun. then ever, and things never improve much though the Shins version of McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" is better than McCartney's "The Christmas Song" – Grade: C
