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Britney Singles collection review: Heir Apparent

Writing about pop music isn’t as hard as deciding whether to send troops to  Afghanistan but it isn’t quite as easy as it might look. I have been wondering how to write about Britney Spears’ The Singles Collection since, well, since yesterday but it feels longer. And in a world where I have written some forty posts since I started wondering how to write it yesterday it can feel like a life time of starting (three false starts so far!) and stopping.

Nicole Masalsky wandered in a little while ago and i was jammin’ David Guetta’s “Sexy Chick”. Nicole has been getting deeper into the one and only Guetta and namechecked his Kelly Rowland mixes on One Love. She also mentioned her fiancee had “3” in heavy rotation. if you like dance you like Britney -that’s why I was so surprised that Loe Grenades Elizabeth Wight doesn’t dig Britney. The woman is incredible. Lady Gaga hasn’t come close to Britney’s achievement: Britney is the heir apparent to Madonna’s throne. People don’t wanna admit it because they are snobs. Madonna is East Coast Royalty,  Britney is West Coast trailer trash; she runs into KFC with no shoes, she drives with her son on her lap, she falls apart in public, and she pushes her fans back snapping “You don’t know who I am. Leave me lone”.

But she is a musical genius and just about everybody i know thinks i’m kidding. If you can’t tell that Circus and Blackout are better than Together Through Life and Christmas In The Heart than don’t, but don’t claim I am being ironic. And if Armand Van Helden’s remix of “My Prerogative”, all seven minutes thirty two seconds of drum and bass and doctored vocals, isn’t one of the top singles of the year it’s only because it has been a great year for dance singles. When I’ve had the chance to listen just for fun (when I haven’t been thinking about music) over the past two days I’ve been listening to “My Prerogative” remix and “Mean Serene” by Americans In France.

Because it isn’t a question of integrity or what the cool people think or any of that shit, it’s a question of what are you putting between your ears and I am putting stuff that literally and figuratively moves me. Let me tell you a story: back in 1995 or something like that I went to see the reformed New Edition with Bobby Brown (a great night: Blackstreet were also there) and they were so good. Brown of course co-wrote “My Prerogative” with the great Ted Riley. Maybe six months  I saw em again without Brown and they sucked. The moral: Bobby Brown may well be a crack addicted wife beater but he is the motherfucking bomb.

So is the Spears cover and remix.

The problem with mixing ethics and sound is you are in for a disappointment; Bono may be a great soul but his music sux so i don’t care if he is a greats oul. His job is to stop dicking around and write good songs. If he can’t do that U2 know exactly what they can do with their stadium tour. Americans In France isn’t good because they record for good guy label Odessa Records, they’re good because they sound good. Spears doesn’t sux even though she lip synchs at concerts and  won’t be admitted to the Rock And Roll  hall Of fame and dates lousy guys and then marries em or goes round dance clubs getting fucked up with friends. Who am I? Her mother?? What the hell do I care. All I know is exactly what Nicole Masalsky knows: with all the will in the world, she fucking rocks.

The Singles Collection is a testament toSpear’s shining brilliance. It might not be The Immaculate Collection but it is sure the equal of GVH2.

Ironic enough for you?

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