The unspeakable, the untouchable, the unclean… yes here are the live acts that will make you wanna go deaf and blind.
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer
Is that a synthesizer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Three overgrown man play bad classical music for hours on end. Even the light show sucked.
Phil Collins
Small, bald man sings overblown rock ballads behind a drum kit in the middle of the stage.
J. Lo
It’s not that she couldn’t sing, it’s that she couldn’t lipsynch
Aerosmith
Idiot middle age men put on scarves, fail to rock.
R.E.M.
Mike Stipe sings his last, crap album while staring in a mirror.
Liz Phair
The only time I’ve seen the main act booed off stage.
The Allman Brothers, Phish, the Grateful Dead
Sixteen minute drum solos egotistical. You think? They noodle for half an hour, you could leave, catch a complete set at Mercury Lounge, come back and they’d be working on the same fucking improv.
Joe Jackson and Ben Folds Five
No, not as bad as a lead drummer, but damn close.
Back Street Boys
Is there anything worse than a boy band well past their prime singing bad R&B. Yeah, they could be sitting ina row pretending to be Boys II Men.
Ben Harper
With the middle spot between a dynamic Fastball and an eagerly anticipated Pearl Jam he brought a loud and raucous audience to a complete standstill.