The human brain, for all of history, has refused to accept the fact that it will die, and we have no way to know what it’s going to be like. If the proverbial piano falls on your head, you won’t even know that it happened. Nothing offends our conceptualization of “self” more than that it could end without notice.
The refusal to understand continued life minus our existence is even evident in those that see death coming. The terminal cancer patient or the prisoner facing execution suddenly retreats within themselves. It’s as if a great new injustice was just now created, suddenly prohibiting them from seeing “the rest of it”.
If doubt exists that the uncertainty of death is THE most powerful thing in our lives, look at every religion ever created. Look even further at atheism. No matter what you believe, you don’t know. Some choose to explain that an omniscient god has a plan to “take them” when the “time is right”… Others conclude that their solely-organic form will break down, thanks to thermodynamics.
As it is my bad habit to write three paragraphs before getting to a thesis, I’ll break it down in the fourth. Suicide is not about sadness or depression. Suicide isn’t about a loss of hope. Suicide isn’t about being at the end of any mental rope. Suicide is entirely about the human mind angrily demanding control. Suicide says, “I will decide how this happens.”
Sadness often brings it on. Drastic loss, depression, hopelessness… all these things are linked to suicide. However, none cause it. People commit suicide when their vision of the upcoming future is at odds with their ideal… and they refuse to reconcile the two, whether through action or acceptance.
Suicide’s greatest impact isn’t on the now-inoperable brains on the wall. It’s on the synapses still firing in those who knew the self-killed. The emotional outlet of anger is always an option if death was caused by someone or something else. There’s work to be done there. We can continue our endless struggle to eliminate death and live to 120 (like anyone actually wants to). When we slowly come to the realization that someone took their own life, we’re faced with asking what stops us from doing the same.
Don’t let the question of “what am I alive for?” intimidate you. It’s important to know why you’re alive. And make no mistake – you DO determine that meaning. On the other hand, don’t allow what you perceive to be a shortage of answers and mind-altering substances let you decide to take control of the end.
Because then Courtney Love gets rich, and that’s so goddamned stupid. Fucking hell, Kurt.
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