Brett’s “Bottom 1” Song of the Year Award, 2009
Britney Spears is the shallow female’s version of the American Dream. Everything about Britney’s career is flamboyantly appealing to what girls would like to believe they deserve out of life.
A girl with basic singing talent, who likes to dance, and is willing to allow her sexuality to be determined by mob rule can become popular and rich beyond her wildest dreams. You can retain your parents’ Christianity! You can call yourself a virgin until Justin Timberlake’s penis is practically pickled in your Elizabeth Arden scent “Curious”! Hardworking people will absolutely surround you and thanklessly strive to keep you happy and comfortable.
Even when your adolescence is behind you, and you realized you never did a minute of growing-up, you will be immediately marketable again in the span of a few months. Because Britney Spears hasn’t sold sex to men since 2001… Britney Spears sells sex to girls.
I’m just a silly man. I ponder why Britney continued music industry presence retains such a legion of absolutely unswayable fans.
But see, it’s not about the music. It’s fucking PLAINLY not about the music.
This is why I proudly declare her new single “3” to be the worst song of the year. Because the entity that is Britney Spears was never intended to have a thing to do with music.
It’s about remaining appealing to girls whose sole source of news media is Perez Hilton…
and what’s not to love and envy about the career of Britney?
Your songs are written for you.
Your dances are choreographed for you.
Your reputation is upheld by a PR firm.
Thousands of people work around you and for you… setting up your stages, setting up your lights, selling your tickets, placing your advertisements, making your CDs, and making your food.
Your angle of attack for marketing is handled by the experts. You don’t even need to face the artistic struggle of how to position your next disc. Just hit the gym, its being written for you.
This is the media machine that brought you “3”. It was made FOR her by a couple Swedish dudes while she was on tour in Sweden. (one of them also wrote “I Kissed a Girl”) The melody to 3 could easily be played by a five year old after their first week of piano lessons. The lyrics, delivered quite simply by a syllable per beat advocate a threesome to a single partner. (apparently, the third person was already brought on board to the idea)
That’s the formula for Britney to remain in people’s minds Remain “bad” in the minds of girls who like the idea of upsetting their fathers. Just not too bad. The song was re-released yesterday, removing a line about “living in sin”. It’s all about the definitions, afterall.
I just don’t define this music.
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