If this is
it, if this is essentially the show, or at least half the show, Lady Gaga is gonna take on the road, you better bring a good book to her concerts because she will spend half the time either pontificating, and stupid, dumbass pontificating not even smart stuff, or changing cloths while the band vamps. At the ITunes festival in London, she sometimes did both. In a 70 minute set, she spend 35 minutes of it not singing songs.
I really think Lady gaga bumped her head at some point and all her brains drained down her ear. To hear her speaking to her “Little Monsters” is to go between embarrassments and dismay. It is so creepy, like some chick who is obsessed with you, she overstates the case and your skin crawls.
To hear her introduce the worst song from her new album “Swine” is to feel sick to the ends of your stomach. Shedding her wig for her real auburn hair, sweating profusely, Gaga spoke nonsense about, I think it is about this because God forbid she simply say what she means, she leaves that for her lousy lyric, having a sexual relationship with a man older than her. How old was she? I dunno but if she was molested it is her responsibility to report it, and if she isn’t, what the fuck is her problem with consenting adults having sex?
You’ve got me but this was perhaps the single worse moment in a concert this year. Anyway, Gaga goes back to this terrible memory in her life for her Monsters “Just remember, I’d do anything for you” she promises. Except for sing, apparently. The song begins as a ballad and then revs up, “I know you want me”, she sings behind a piano, “you’re just a pig inside a human body”.
I once spoke with Claire Denis about her movie , “I Can’t Sleep” in which a transvestite robs and murders elderly women. I inquired if, in effect, the man had lost his humanness, he was now less than human. Claire said, no, you can’t lose your humanity. That sort of insight is impossible for Gaga to uunderstand. She pretends to be inclusive, but she isn’t really. She is a secret club and the only way to join is to worship Gaga.
“Swine” isn’t a good song and the choreography, dancers dressed as pigs and Gaga in a mask, is all too blatant to be good.
But musically, “Swine” is an exception. Opening song “Aura” is a stunning little dance number, “ARTPOP” has a thought in its head, a good one about mixing the two, and “Sex Dreams” I s horny as fuck. The penultimate song of the evening “I Wanna Be With You” –written for her fans, is a moving Elton Johnish uber-ballad , and it works very well for me. The encore is “Applause” and really, that opening lick sounds stronger than ever.
So despite two dogs, a terrible hip hop song “Jewels And Drugs”, the music is very good. The band is anonymous but they are meant to be, the rapping is painful but nobody famous helped any way, and otherwise three quarters of it was great.
But the show itself… she really is not good news live any more. She won’t get out of her own way and trust to the material. The incessant, ridiculous, tedious prattle, the outfit change after outfit change, the prolonged wait for applause and more applause. Every five minutes everything comes to a dead stop.
Two hours of this next year? It is going to be painful at Barclay center, and she is going on stage at 10pm (if we’re lucky) and she is gonna talk out fucking ears off.
Performance – C-
Music – B+