Who can tell what the Autumn will bring? Well, as it happens, I can. I can take a look at Billboard’s 51 upcoming albums and predict what will suck and what won’t, so sit down, get a beer, and go forward to the back with 51 yet to released albums reviewed and graded.
2 Chainz – B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time – The title tells it all, has there ever been a more obvious Atlanta rapper than this guy? C-
Arcade Fire – Reflector – Three great songs and a whole lotta electronic mutual masturbation – B-
Yours Truly – Ariane Grande – It’s out now and it ain’t bad pop stuff – C
Magpie And The dandelion – the Avett Brothers – Some album title. Tremendously boring pseudo-folk for the masses of hipsters – C-
True – Avicii – With one smash already on the charts, this EDM guy is hitting the mainstream big. But he still isn’t very good – C-
Avril Lavigne – Avril Lavigne – Sure I liked the two songs, catchy bugglegum rock. But an entire album??? – C-
Bad Blood – Bastille – Big in the UK rock band, I’ve heard it, it’s a straight drag – C-
12 Stories – Brandy Clark – Country songwriter , kinda bland solo – C
Britney Spears – TBD – Femme Fatale was a huge disappointment after the great Circus and greater Blackout, so who can tell? My bet is it will be good not great – B
Cage The Elephant – Melophobia – Average, maybe a touch above average, alt rockers – C+
Celine Dion – Loved Me Back To Life – What if it was her best album ever? It would still be – D+
Cher – Closer To The Truth – A Scissor Sister here, a Pink there… who knows, right? – B
Cher Lloyd – TBD – Well, I liked the first album a lot but I hear she has grown up on this one – C+
Chris Brown – X – The thing about Brown’s pop is it must be popular to signify and it really isn’t very popular – C
Chris Young – A.M. – Nothing much country boy – C-
Deer Tick – Negativity – I saw these guys open once and the alt folers put me to sleep – C-
Deltron 3030 – Deltron 3030: Event II – Underground hip hop supergroup concept album – B-
DJ Khaled – Suffering From Success – Always good for a smart hip hop mash-up – B-
Donna Summer – Love To Love You Donna – Major remixes – C
Drake – Nothing Was the Same – Looks like the best of the bunch to me – A
Elton John – The Diving Board – And then, oddly enough, my bet for the worst major album of the Autumn. With T-Bone Burnett around, get out your slippers and pipe – D
Eminem – The Marshall Mathers LP 2 – Dre and Rick Rubin producing, “Berzerk” is an excellent first single – B+
Enrique Iglesias – TBD – I think we can all agree that Marc Anthony isn’t worried – C-
Gary Numan – Songs From A Broken Mind – Hard to say but when it comes to oddball stars from 70s making a grand return, I have my money on Adam Ant – C
Haim – Days Are Gone – Most over rated band on the planet, but not TERRIBLE – c+
The Head And The Heart – Let’s Be still – Oh, look, these alt folkies come with their own government warning. I’m sure they will be still – D+
Jack Johnson – From Here To Now To You – To the discount rack – D+
James Blunt – Moon Landing – That’s Blunt not Blake , sorry guys – D
John Legend – Moon In The Landing – Very draggy, sorry because I don’t dislike him – C
Justin Timberlake – The 20/20 Experience part 2 – the heavy half, they’re threatening at least – B+
Katy Perry – Prism – I got a bad feeling about this one, maybe because I disliked “Roar” so much – B-
Kaskade – Atmosphere – Samples uber-alles so if that’s your scene, enjoy – D+
Keith Urban – Fuse – Country meets EDM, bet it sucks – D+
Kelly Clarkson – Wrapped In Red – Before you get all excited, it is a Christmas album – C-
Kings Of Leon – Mechanical Bull – loved “Supersoaker” so, you know, who knows? – B
Lady Gaga – ARTPOP – I bet you anything this is a great album – A-
Lorde – Pure Heroine – I loved “Tennis Court” and she is like a really bright spark Lana Del rey. Only 16 years old – B
Lucho Gatica – Historia di Amor – Re-recordings of former hits by a Chilian master – B
Lucius – Wildewoman – Nice harmonies, average songs – C+
Marcus Antonio Solis – Gracias Por Estar Aqui – Mexican pop guy – C
Mary J. Blige – A Mary Christmas – And a Blige New Year – C-
MGMT – MGMT – Ho hum alt guys who aren’t as smart as hey think they are – C
MIA – Matangi – The new single is great, Gaga and madonna still haven’t paid her for all they owe her, and with a major label breathing down her neck, my bet is she is gonna be very on her game – A
Miley Cyrus – Bangerz – Sure, “We Won’t Stop” was a fluke but the rest of it should be middling enough – C
Nine Inch Nails – Hesitation Marks – I’ve heard it and I am impressed, this is Trent’s equivalent of a pop music. Hooks aplenty plus beats and more beats – B+
One Direction – TBD – “Best Song Ever” needed to be better, but figure everything songwriter with a finger on the pulse of pop will bring their A game here – C+
Panic! At The Disco – Too Weird To Live, Too rare To Die – Half of Panic sings about Vegas -isn’t that the Killers job? – C-
New – Paul McCartney – My hopes are sky high for this based upong the first single and some smart producers – B
Pearl Jam – Lightning Bolt – Again, a killer first single lights the way for a hard rocking triumph – B+
Prince Royce – Sol El Mismo – Giving Enrique a run for his money with the Latina chicks – C
TLC – TBD – Half remakes, half new stuff, and a third dead – C
The weeknd – Kiss Land – Neo-r&b meaning plenty of sound modulations but not a single meorable melody – C-