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Noel Gallagher Or The Art Of The Fake Insult


Noel Gallagher and Ellie Goulding


In this interview for Esquire, Noel Gallagher slammed almost everyone in the music business,… except Kanye West who got spared probably because they have both become trolls in their own respective categories… One of the most insulting part was this one, where he managed to include One Direction, Ellie Goulding, and Adele in the same big tirade:

‘Does anybody give a fuck about what any of these current pop stars are up to? Who gives a shit what fucking One Direction do? Cocksuckers, all of them in rehab by the time they’re 30. Who gives a shit what Ellie Goulding is up to? Really? Adele, what? Blows my fucking mind. It blows my fucking mind. Nobody cares! Fame’s wasted on them, with their fucking in-ear monitors and their electronic cigarettes. And their fragrances that they’re bringing out for Christmas. You fucking dicks.’

Ellie Goulding is a ‘fucking dick’? Really Noel Gallagher? The problem is that Ellie just talked to the Sun and she told them that you were a fan:

‘Noel came up to me at the Brit Awards two years ago and said, ‘I love your music — but don’t fucking tell anyone’, she declared! Obviously telling everyone would ruin his joke and his game.

You want another proof? Noel also appeared unmerciful when he said this about Coldplay: ‘The trouble is, when I try to defend them I’m like, ‘Listen, this song sounds like The Beatles’ then Viva La Vida comes on and that sounds like bloody Annie Lennox Walking On Broken Glass! I can’t defend them.’ He has also criticized their concert-turned-guilt-trip: At a U2 or Coldplay concert there is always a message about poor people or people dying from hunger. OK, but can’t we just have a nice evening? Do we always have to feel guilty?’ and he even got ferocious when talking about their frontman Chris Martin: ‘The Man has taken over the world. All the kids have to look up to now are bland, faceless trainee police officers.’ Nevertheless he is a guest on Coldplay’s upcoming album…. and actually Chris Martin’s friend…. So?

As for Kanye, Noel was still insulting him when commenting on the rapper’s last Grammy Awards appearance: ‘Somebody needs to buy that dumbass a dictionary so he can look up the word “artistry”…. Get him a dictionary from me, I’ll fuckin’ sign it and give it to him so he can look it up.’ But he seems to have changed his mind in this last Esquire interview: ‘Fame’s wasted on these cunts today. Bar Kanye. You watch him on the MTV Awards and you think, ‘You can fucking stay, you’re alright.’

What does it mean at the end? Nothing, it’s a game, and he has a reputation to maintain. I believe Gallagher is playing this same obnoxious character during interviews because it’s funny and it suits his bad boy image, whereas he is actually a sweet heart? Honestly if you like Ellie Goulding’s music that’s what you are…



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