Creem – America’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll Magazine, Reviewed Issue By Issue – August 1984 (Volume 16, Number 3)

Chrissie Hynde was surrounded by and abusing vinyl on the cover of the August 1984 issue of Creem, the pic is an homage to the April 1974 issue that portrayed Iggy Pop in a similar pose. Much of the cover story was about how difficult it was to engage Hynde in an interview. Hnyde discussed aging (“I’m 32; you gotta mellow out. You can’t indulge yourself like you did, say in your early 20s”), the death of previous band members (“If you can’t handle a couple of deaths…that’s just the art of living”), and touring (“I’m tired of money grabbing, the whole arena thing is a load of bollocks”). Although she sounded like a cynical music biz veteran, she closed the interview by saying that “I’m certainly enjoying (music) more than I ever have.” Perhaps some of that enjoyment was due to her relationship with Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, who she married shortly after this interview took place. 

“Rock ‘n’ Roll News” reported that Joe Perry had rejoined Aerosmith. This may have come after he reviewed his income statements from 1983. 

David Ayers penned an enthusiastic piece on The Replacements in “The Beat Goes On,” their first ink in the magazine besides a few Christgau reviews.  

Features: 

“Scorpions: Stinging Scorchers or Virgin Killers?,” by Sylvie Simmons 

“Missing Persons: Missing in Action?,” by Laura Fissinger 

“Pretenders Bender? Here Comes the Brood,” by Gary Graff 

“Why Don’t We Eat It on the Run? A Creem Guide to Androgyny in the ‘80s,” by Rick Johnson 

“Rapping to the Go-Go’s,” by John Mendelssohn 

Rudolf Schenker of the Scorpions chatted with Sylvie Simmons about hearing rock ‘n’ roll on German radio stations in the 1950s and then catching the British Invasion, somewhat learning the English language via the lyrics. Schenker, “I still believe that for the New Wave Music the German language is fantastic, it fits perfectly, like ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka, you know. But for heavy rock, the music we play, it doesn’t sound good.”  The article is a pretty interesting look at the structural challenges the band had to overcome to be a successful German hard rock act. 

Dale and Terry Bozzio of Missing Persons talked about their 1984 album “Rhyme & Reason” written as a response to critics who claimed the band was a new wave novelty act. They should have stayed a new wave novelty act.  

Creem dedicated a cover story to androgyny for their April 1973 issue, but by the 1980s, cross-dressing was merely entertaining feature material. Rick Johnson on different sexual definitions, “If you really want to get scientific, you can tackle transsexuals – well, not LITERALLY, or you’ll go back to the locker room at halftime smelling like cheap cocoa butter.”  

Jane Wiedlin and Kathy Valentine seemed to find the idea of losing fame more terrifying than having it in their interview with John Mendelssohn. They also found that fame did little to enhance their love lives.

 

In the “Eleganza” column, John Mendelssohn interviewed Elvia, “Mistress of the Dark, Eleganza’s and every heterosexual American boy’s favorite television personality.” Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) contributed this fab quote, “Gene Simmons called me up. I guess he thought I was his twin sister or something. But I’m more into Joe Strummer-type guys.” 

Quotable Quotes:   

Boy George, “Princess Di is the most fashionable person in the world today!” 

Paul Westerberg, “I get a kick out of hardcore sometimes – it’s fast, aggressive. But I don’t like all the shit that surrounds it, the GROUP, the IDEA. I like to be alone and have my own idea.” 

Rick Johnson on Boy George, “Frankly, you look at some of his bizarre outfits and half suspect some terrorist fashion group to call up and claim responsibility.” 

Rick Johnson, “Nothing wrong with Annie Lennox that corrective panties wouldn’t cure.” 

Rick Johnson, “Iggy Pop has supposedly made it with both persuasions, as well as mechanical zookeepers, front AND rear loading washing machines, and certain makes of foreign cars.” 

Rick Johnson, “Vince Neil spends a lot of energy staging cutie-pie poses and has all the sexual presence of moist lipstick stains on a riot shield.” 

Jane Wiedlin, “Dogs and cats aren’t good to have when you’re gone so much, but a miniature horse is good because they are so dumb.” 

Billy Altman, “Without the Everly Brothers, there would have been no John Lennon and Paul McCartney singing together the way they did, so there most likely would never have been the Beatles. 

Summary: Androgyny was the type of subject that Rick Johnson could really sink his ponytail into. 

Grade: B+ 

Latest price on eBay: $24.99 or “Best Offer.”