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Creem – America’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll Magazine, Reviewed Issue By Issue –April 1982 (Volume 13, Number 11) 

Less than five years after forming the band, The Police were multi-platinum selling artists and international superstars. Their 1981 album “Ghost in the Machine” included the U.S. hit singles “Every Little Thing She Does in Magic” and “Spirits in the Material World.” The often-cantankerous trio looked boyish on the cover of the April 1982 issue of Creem. Chris Salewicz chatted with Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland who discussed potential outside projects, home films, and global political issues. It seems like these two gents had some time on their hands while Sting was pursuing acting projects. Andy Summers, commenting on the band’s chemistry, “It’s like a constant rivalry between all three of us: every guy wants to come off the best. At the same time we have a lot of camaraderie.”

In “Rock ‘n’ Roll News,” it was reported that Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off of a bat in Des Moines, Iowa. There was no follow-up on whether the bat was tested for rabies. It was also reported that the Knack had disbanded. Doug Fieger and company reunited from 1986 to 2010, but never found any great success. Still in 2015, when “My Sharona” co-writer Berton Averre was asked what he did for a living, his response was, “I go to my mailbox a couple of times a month.”

Features:

“Black Sabbath: Then, Now, and Why,” by John Kordosh

“U2 Leads; Others Will Follow!,” by John Neilson

“Tainted Love, Tainted Dreams: Soft Cell’s Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret,” by Chris Salewicz

“TV Ear: Doing the Perpetual Bop at the Flick of the (Cable) Dial,” by Toby Goldstein

“Hot Nights in Puerto Rico: Canadian Loverboys WORK for Their Weekend” by Dave DiMartino

John Kordosh interviewed Ronnie James Dio and Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath. They both had (a) nothing they wanted to say about Ozzy Osbourne and (b) spent almost the entire interview burying him.

In his interview with Bono, John Neilson raved about the band’s power as a live act and Bono proved he didn’t need mainstream success to sound completely self-absorbed.

Chris Salewicz traced Soft Cell’s roots back to their early 1970’s art school days and the duo ruminated on the accidental success of the Northern Soul cover “Tainted Love.”

Toby Goldstein examined music on cable television, especially a new channel called MTV.

Dave DiMartino examined the need for familiarity to reach regular radio rotation in 1982 and how Loverboy fit into that equation. For their part, the band members did their best to avoid being interesting interview subjects.

Quotable Quotes:

John Kordosh on AC/DC, “Phil Rudd, Malcolm Young, and Cliff Williams punch a time-clock just before going on and then see who can stand still the longest. They all win.”

Ronnie James Dio, “I think Ozzy has made enough of an asshole of himself by what he said that we don’t really have to make any comments about it.”

Bono, “The Sex Pistols turned out to be an idea rather than a real band.”

Dave Ball of Soft Cell on synthesizers, “People like Rick Wakeman gave them a bad name.”

Andy Summers, “I like everything that goes with it. I like the power. I like the money.”

Dave DiMartino on Loverboy, “Were I in a rock band in 1982, wanting to express myself while still MAKING A LIVING, should I form Loverboy and maybe become extremely RICH? Or should I form Throbbing Gristle? Would the world then be POORER? Would our culture be RICHER?”

Iman Lababedi, “For me, it’s simply amazing that the dB’s aren’t more popular. Their songs are catchy and clever, their lyrics have a sharp edge to them, they are never slovenly and the put so much care into everything they do it shines right through.”

Joe Fernbacher, “Mellowness will creep up on you like a killer with a hard-on.”

Summary: About as average an issue of Creem as you would find during this timeframe. Nothing bad, nothing essential.

Grade: B

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