Lady Parts Justice League To Air Its Fifth Annual State Of The Uterus This Tuesday At Noon
LADY PARTS JUSTICE LEAGUE
EUNICE P. JUSTICE’S
2019 ANNUAL STATE OF THE UTERUS
On Tuesday, February 5, 2019 at 12 noon, Lady Parts Justice League (LPJL), the rapid-response reproductive rights not-for-profit organization, will air its fifth annual State of the Uterus, address on it’s FB Live feed and website, www.ladypartsjusticeleague.com.
As in previous years, the address will be delivered by LPJL Uterus in-Chief, Eunice P. Justice. As Uterus Of The United States (UOTUS) Eunice will update and break down the 2019 landscape of reproductive rights in the United States.
Eunice P. Justice will address a joint session of Congressional clips from C-Span, urging them, and all Americans, to take immediate action against the devastating erosion of reproductive rights in this country.
This will be a landmark State of the Uterus speech, as the UOTUS is expected to address in advance, the anti abortion messages POTUS has promised to deliver during his joint session later Tuesday night.
The State of the Uterus will preempt LPJL’s regularly scheduled FB Live program, Operation Save Abortion (OSA), a daily reproductive news wrap-up show. OSA will air immediately following the State of the Uterus.
More About Eunice P. Justice
Eunice is a gender neutral uterus that serves as the Uterus-in-Chief at Lady Parts Justice League and Lady Parts Justice. We use the pronoun “it” when referring to Eunice, as a uterus has no gender. Eunice is an organ. A lovable, straight talking sage, Eunice is a cross between Maxine Waters and John Waters. Eunice is timeless. Eunice and it’s Uteri posse are ALWAYS available for interviews, but the media and our politicians prefer to talk about and around the uteri, but never directly with Eunice (or any other uterus-having people for that matter).
ABOUT LADY PARTS JUSTICE LEAGUE
Lady Parts Justice League (LPJL) is a 501 (c3) non-profit whose mission is to infuse humor into reproductive rights spaces while also dropping knowledge and activism into our pop culture and our social lives. Our goal is to inspire folks who have not been active in the feminist and reproductive rights movements to get up and get active. LPJL’s rapid response production team is made up of comedians, writers, and activists, on call 24/7 producing media and creating national actions that respond instantly to the breaking news surrounding reproductive rights issues. Equally as important to the mission of LPJL, is to raise awareness about and support independent abortion providers who bear the brunt of anti-abortion legislation and harassment. Several times a year, the League goes on the road to perform comedy shows in a USO format bringing entertainment and love to these clinics and their communities. They also provide elbow grease at the clinics themselves, including anything from bringing lunch to building a fence to planting bushes to block protesters. Understanding that reproductive rights issues vary by race, class, and gender identity, Lady Parts Justice League is committed to diversity by creating content that fosters a multicultural, inclusive experience within the reproductive rights movement.
Transcript of the 2019 State Of The Uterus Address
Madame Uterus, Mister Vice Uterus, my beautiful gender neutral First Spouse, invited guests. It has been one year since I stood before you in this majestic chamber to give you the state of mymajestic chamber. So today I can assure you, my fellow Americans, that the State of the Uteri is strong.
But, as we know, 2018 was not without significant setbacks. We watched the Supreme Court move further to the right. In fact, it’s now located closer to my cervix than at any time in the past 40 years.
But we also saw advancements. Republicans made history last month by making Marsha Blackburn and Joni Ernst the first women from their party to sit on the Senate Judiciary Committee. Gone are the days of hiring an outside woman to question the victims of the next sexual predator nominated for a Supreme Court seat. Adding these women to the Judiciary Committee shows us that even though they don’t care, they’re trying to look like they do. And that, my friends, is progress!
While we celebrate these successes, we must also face the harsh reality that there are many challenges before us. Dangerous forces that threaten our way of life. And today, my fellow-pian Americans, I stand before you with a plan to face them head on.
We all watch anxiously as caravans of undocumented politicians continue to make their way to our borders. From East Ovary to West Ovary, all the way to South Vagina – the United States of the Uteri is being invaded by extremist politicians coming from shithole countries like Whitemanistan, and Incel-vania. Some are dangerous. Some are useless,and all of them want to destroy the freedoms the Uteri of America currently enjoy.
Which is why today, I am proposing we build a wall. A great uterine wall. A mighty fortress that once and for all will stop the flow of these personal space invaders, not for a mere 28 days, but for 28 years! 28 centuries! We must stop these illegal fail-ions from penetrating the “I’ll-Decide-If-I-Wanna-Be-A-Mother Land”
Because, as we saw last year, our willingness to do nothing led to over 300 measures being introduced in 37 states, to restrict access to either abortion or contraception by vaginal coyotes who think expanding access means a 40 week abortion clinic in everytaco truck in every parking lot of every daycare center in America. And that is wrong!
So in closing, we must ensure that the content of every uteri be determined by the individual owner of said uterus, and not by invaders, whether foreign or domestic. We do not need to make the Uteri Great Again. Rather we must honor our majestic chamber. We must protect our borders. And we must maintain its freshness.
There is much work to be done, especially after 35 days of a shut down. And if you will allow me a point of personal privilege —I do not take credit for this shut down, nor will I take blame for this shut down because, for the last time, the uterus does not have the ability to shut the whole thing down!
So thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States of the Uteri.