Fiona Apple's Saga Continues: The Texan Sheriff Tells Her To Just Shut Up And Sing
If you have followed Fiona Apple’s saga in Texas, you may know she made a public statement when she performed in Houston just two days after her arrest for marijuana and hash possession. She talked quite a bit, first apologizing to the jail guy and then alluding to some inappropriate behavior done by four other guys, even saying it was ‘probably illegal’, without giving more explanation. You can watch her long rant below, she sounded very confident while using a quite metaphoric/cryptic style:
‘And I want you to know that I heard everything you did, I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said, stupidly thinking that I couldn't hear or see you. I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and – I got two lock boxes. We'll call them 'holding cell one' and 'holding cell two.' In 'holding cell one' is the encoded version of the shit that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In 'holding cell two' is the decoder. I'm the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever. Unless of course the celebrity that you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night? Unless you're interested in being a celebrity, I'll make you fucking famous any time you ask and I'll open those boxes. So why don't you stay in your fucking holding cell?’
What did they do to her exactly?
Since Texas people never joke, on Monday, Rusty Fleming, Public Information Officer of Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office, where Fiona Apple was arrested, responded to her by releasing this direct-style public statement:
‘Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine. Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say. Now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won’t bill you.’
Ouchs! What an ass! And famous? Because he made an apparition on the Fox Channel and made this stupid Drug Wars movie? Give me a break! He is taking himself way too seriously, but he had even more to say:
‘Have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armie Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known before you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your dope away and put you in jail.’
‘Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best. So my last piece of advice is simple: 'Just shut up and sing.'
He just sounds like a condescending douchebag with too much power in his brutal hands. So let the famous sheriff having his ‘drug war’ by arresting Willie Nelson and Fiona Apple, but I hope Fiona will fight back!